What I am attempting to also do...

Joel Siegel, whom I have watched from time to time over the years died yesterday. I found out last night while watched the news program 20/20. While watching this program I learned that he had written a book for his very young son, Dylan, attempting to teach him about all the things in life that he would not be able to later. This is the purpose of my blog and while for the most part it is not good writing, it is my life and Tammi's also. I have a son that may someday want to know about his father's life and Tammi will have grandchildren that most likely will never get to know her. So this is how they will and if the writing is bad at least it is real, it is who we are. I hope they have the chance to learn about us.

clipped from www.nytimes.com Joel Siegel, 63, Movie Critic Who Instructed and Amused, Dies

It just keeps getting better...

Web entertainment that is. Just learned how Myspace and Sony have partnered to show stripped down episodes of old classic sitcoms. This is just getting to cool! With my busy schedule and uptempo personality this is perfect. Lunch hour never looked so good! I am now drooling for a new laptop with twice the power for video! Christmas is only six months away!!

clipped from www.nytimes.com For example, last week MySpace became the exclusive site for Sony’s “Minisodes”— five-minute versions of ‘80s sitcoms like “Diff’rent Strokes” and “Silver Spoons.” Tens of thousands of users have watched the clips.

Why pay?

Newsflash!! Boingo is going to charge one flat fee!! I know for the traveling businessperson this might be a good thing but why pay for what is given free? More and more businesses, and not just coffee shops, are offering free, 802.11g wifi. Having experienced numerous hospitals and nursing homes in the last 2 years due to my wife's illness, they are all going high speed wireless. I have sent emails to Starbucks and Mcdonalds as they both offer wifi for a fee asking them why I should pay. And then there others offering for free but they are offering the slower 802.11b. So lets review, local libraries, hospitals, and privately owned coffee shops nearby offer free high speed wireless, or I can go the Schlotzkys and get free but slow wifi or lastly, I can go to Starbucks or Mcdonalds and log on for a fee and it is slow to boot!! when will they learn. In today's world, offer me free high speed and I will do business daily with you. This is the modern loss leader to get me in the door.

clipped from www.nytimes.com Today, Boingo Wireless, one of the biggest aggregators with more than 100,000 hot spots, is introducing what it says is the first worldwide flat-rate plan for Wi-Fi hot spots. For a monthly fee of 29 euros, or $39, subscribers can use any of the company’s affiliated hot spots for as long as they want.

Word of the day...

Interesting word, schadenfreude. I feel there are far too many people that practice this. Is it because they are insecure in themselves that they must take pleasure in others pain? food for thought.

clipped from pogue.blogs.nytimes.com schadenfreude, that delicious German word meaning, “taking pleasure in other people’s misfortune.”

Why my camera is not outdated yet...

Too many people look at "megapixels" as the only way to define a camera ability to record (the camera does not take pictures, the person wielding it does) but that is not true. My "lowly" 3.1 megapixel camera takes quite nice 8x10 photos. I wish the industry would stress this more often.

clipped from www.nytimes.com All of these are 10-megapixel cameras. It’s a shame the camera companies continue to flog this measurement as though it’s important; more than six megapixels adds only negligible sharpness and may introduce random speckles in the photograph, something the pros call “noise.”

Expanding upon a belief

The other day I wrote about having to let go of wanting the life we had and learning to enjoy the life we have. I have since expanded upon those thoughts as Tammi and I have reached a point in our lives that we are old enough to look back in retrospect. And what we have seen has made us very sad and disappointed in the decisions we made along the way. We have been going over the choices we made knowing that we could have and should have made different, better ones. I finally decided that not only do we have to stop wishing for the life we had but we must stop wishing for the life we COULD have had. We never had that life so we must look forward to the life we have and just use that experience to make better decisions in the future. We can never get those years back but we can live the remaining ones happier than ever regardless of what happens to us.

My artistry

My artistry
Originally uploaded by svgnibli.

A small sampling of some of my favorite photos.

New phrase to live by..

The other day I was having a conversation with my daughter about becoming a young bride or parent. I told her that too many young marriages fail because one or both of the people want the life they had instead of the enjoying the life they have. Later I started to think about what I had said and realized that Tammi and I need to approach our life together in the same way: we need to learn to enjoy the life we have right now instead of being down and sad because we can't have the life we had. That life is never coming back, she will not ever be well enough for us to do the things we did. But isn't that part of life anyways? As we age we are not able to do the same things anyways but learning new things with your other half is so much a fun part of the journey together. We will never have that life again but we can learn to enjoy the one we have right now. And that is something that can keep our marriage strong, making new discoveries together.

Some good words...

found this on a blog I found goofing around http://www.stillstacy.com

clipped from www.stillstacy.com Life sucks, finding humor makes it tolerable.

A different kind of pain...

The other day I was remembering how much it hurt the day I left Rapid city, the agony of leaving Tam behind. It reminded me that I cannot know how bad it will hurt when the Lord takes her from for good. Last night we were talking about why she is being punished by this illness, that she knows some people back home that have done some bad things, sex with their children and such. Why is she being punished when they are healthy. I told her two things. One, they will have to face a higher judgement than what we can give them and two, that we must remain faithful that she is not being punished. I told her instead feeling punished, know that her pain and suffering is there to somehow, someway help someone else. I believe that God's plan is so large and complicated that we cannot possibly know what our roles are but the role to be played is still there. I know in my heart that someone will do something good because of this. Maybe her case will be studied 20 years from now and a cure for osteomylitis will be found or someone will be inspired by her story and go on to greater things. I don't know and will not try to predict I just will maintain the faith that this will come about. To believe anything less is to give up.

Goings on and stuff....

Well, this past week has been quite the challenge. We saw the surgeon on Tuesday but that is turning out to be a waste of time. He really no longer intends to do any surgery on her and in fact stated that unless she is in so much pain that she would rather die than go on (which she is not) there is nothing else for him to do. He told us that if he were to do surgery on her knee there is a very good possibility that it would end in amputation and that is why he does not want to cut on her. We are resigning ourselves to the fact that she will live in a nursing home for a long time if not forever. We just don't know what to do. She needs more care than I can give her, she has no place else to go as there is not anyone that can care for her. Her mother can do some things for her but we cannot rely on that as her mother will not live forever and she can easily get tied up with other things. She went home 4 weeks ago for a 1 week stay to get her medications refilled. You just cannot plan for the delays that life can bring you. So that is out. We discussed organizing so that I can come home 2-3 times a day to care for her but that may or may not work out. What about the times that I need to be at work for the entire day. Just too many unforeseen complications. So the nursing home is where she will be. But there are so many issues there. While we were at the doctor Tuesday someone came into her room and stole some things from her. Not expensive stuff but full of meaning to her. It just is not right that someone would come and take something that did not belong to them. Tammi's roommate has had some things stole also in the past couple of weeks so I am going to speak with the director of the facility about this issue. It will not bring back her things but maybe if the person knows that the staff is being watched they will stop or better they will be caught and fired. Tammi finally got to speak to her daughter this past week and that was such a good thing. She had such tears of joy but also pain because she let her daughter know how much her daughter hurt her by not including her in her life, not speaking to her or coming to see her. She had now spoken to her in a number of months and had not seen her since last September. Tam is going to be a Grandmother and she really needs to be a part of this process since we do not know how many years she will be with us. This past week I have found my new apartment and also rented another storage shed so I can start moving. What a hard six weeks I have coming up (eight really as I have to move the stuff in my other shed after moving my apartment items) but I will git-r-done as larry the cable guy would say. If I just move a little each day it will happen. This Sunday I will move some furniture that I am not using and start on the boxes next week. I was able to make it so that the shed is right on the way to see Tammi and the apartment is just down the street from her also. I am looking forward to this if for no other reason as it will break up the routine we have been under for the last six months.

Saw this today on Super Deluxe..

It is for mature audiences due to some minor violence and language but nothing more than what you would have in an "R" rated movie. The internet is the best invention of all time!!!

When is pain more than pain?

Yesterday I went to see my doctor hoping he would send me to a specialist. He did but I won't be able to see the specialist for another month. For the past 10 days or so I have been experiencing pain on the right rear of my head. This pain increases as my heart rate increases as it is my pulse I am feeling. If I really work up a good heart rate the pain becomes intolerable. And that is what has me worried. At rest the pain is very slight but it is still there. I am worried about things like stroke, aneurysm, or something else. This is not the time for me to have a medical issue. I have held off taking medication for this as I did not want to mask the problem. I feel that if you sprain your wrist, for example, you know the cause of the inflammation and pain. I do not know what is causing my brain to hurt when my heart rate increases so I do not know what the consequences of taking an anti-inflammatory would be. I have an appointment for July 3 but if something were to open up sooner I am at the top of the list to see the neurologist. Paid my application fee for the apartment I wish to move to yesterday and as soon as she calls to tell me I am approved (I do not see any reason why I would not be) I will pay the first months rent. They have a special of the first month's rents for $199 plus no deposit and she said she would honor that even though I will not be moving in until August 1. I have not even looked at the apartments themselves but hey on is the same as another. I told her all I needed was a place to lay my head as my wife is in a nursing home down the street and I will not be home much anyways. It is all working out as if it was meant to be. I stopped in, they have special, they are close to the nursing home and she kept the special since I am paying early. I told her I did not care what apartment I had at first or what floor it was on, that we would transfer once my wife is released from the nursing home. I was going to sign a 6 month lease and then decide what to do after Tam gets out, if she does get to come home. But now I think I will sign a 1 year lease since we plan on transferring when Tam gets to come home anyways. The transfer fee is $200 so that is acceptable and it is a nice enough area that I don't mind staying a full year there. They even have covered parking, something I have never had. All in all it is working out.

Google....

Is going to rule the internet and that is ok. I have been using nearly all of the tools and things they off and I have to say, as someone that is always on the go I like what they offer. I really like how everything is integrated. Like everything I use, I just want it to work and it does. Lets see if I can list everything I use from Google: Picasa2 - for my photos Blogger - for blogging (hence this post) Calendar - to organize my life Gmail - For my communication needs Docs - So I can do my reports anywhere, anytime I am connected. Maps - So I can find where everything is. Video's - For my entertainment needs Search - The original reason for Google, so I can find all there is to find. That is all I can think of but I sure there will be more. I have to say that I do use other tools from the web as well. I like Flickr better than Google photos and Tabblo is also a better web hosting are. Also, allyoucanupload is good, owned by Webshots. But for the most part Google is the one-stop-shopping Walmart of the web for me.

Is this all we really are??

from the NY Times, is this how society view men??

clipped from www.nytimes.com The culture of sexual entitlement and compulsive consumption encourages men to remain boys, for whom women serve as bedmates and babysitters.