Not the same and yet it is how I feel at times...

The following quote is from a man that had been incarcerated for 16 years for a brutal murder that he did not commit. He is having trouble adjusting to life outside. In no way do I think my life compares to his, I have been free, and yet my choices and decisions led me to locked in a mental prison that only now am I becoming free from. I am in a "halfway" house but I am on my way to mental freedom. I cannot recover time lost but I can enjoy that which is yet to be.

clipped from www.nytimes.com “I’m free, but I’m trapped, and no matter how much I run, I’ll never make up for the lost time.”

If only...

I had understood just how much my life was affected by being bi-polar. I have been taking medication for this condition and it has completely changed my life. I can now see myself and my actions in a different way and realize just how much I had been holding myself back. The emotional roller coaster was far greater than I understood and its effects on my relationships was so much more than I thought. I do know that it is better late than never. I cannot recover that which is lost or was never found in the first place but I can move forward from here.

Finally....well, maybe.....

I finally broke down and ordered internet to be installed at my apartment. Went through a website that partners with all of the major providers as they offered a rebate on the modem ($90). Finally received the modem Friday and had a Saturday appointment to have it installed. That is when things went downhill. The guy spent the better part of two hours trying to get a signal but to no avail. There are two cable outlets in the living room and yet neither one of them seems to be connected to the box outside. So the technician called in to have another, higher level tech, come out and rewire my apartment. He told me that it could be anywhere between two and seven days before they can get out and do the rewire. So I am excited to get it but disappointed it is going to be another week before I do get it. There is so much entertainment on the internet available that I do not know if I will need my tv for anything more than Cowboys football and the one show each week that I schedule for, "Life".