Always one or the other....

Having posted last month about what I believe is my failure as a father, our lives have become even more complicated by the arrest of our oldest daughter. She has been on probation for intent to sell (methamphetamine) when this past Monday she was tested by her probation officer and failed the test, for the same drug. We have just been devastated by this latest news. She has 3 stepchildren that we love and adore as our own grandchildren, a daughter that is about to turn one on Christmas eve, and she is six months pregnant. It begs the question, "WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?". We are so beside ourselves as this is just such a shock. She has been doing so well, being stable with her boyfriend and the kids. She had not been perfect, but overall doing well. And now this. Her mother is sick with feelings of failure, just as I have been about my daughter. We have two girls, that is how we see it and both of them have turned out less than what we had desired of them and we blame ourselves so much. Where do we go from here? She will be locked up for a minimum of 18 months and quite possibly as much as 24 months. These two baby girls are not going to know their momma as a family friend is going to help take care of them. She will be momma. We fear her boyfriend is going to end up leaving her. He left his first wife because she was a drug addict and drunk so how can he ever trust her when this is a repeat of that first marriage? And when she is released that does not mean she will automatically get her kids back, she may have some time at a halfway house or supervised visitation due to her incarceration was drug related and the time spent away from the kids. This is going to be a sour Christmas but we have to pray for the good that is here and will come our way.