11.13.2004
11.12.2004
Consequences and other things...
Well, I came home this evening after a hard week at work wanting to just sit down and relax. I am going tomorrow but just for a few hours. Jess was off for her retreat but when she returns she is going to have some answering to do. One of my pet peeves is people not rinsing off dishes before they put them in the sink. I do the disher around here but I expect people to help out. So she will get to do the dishes for the next week. We have a dishwasher but I only use it for a dishrack. We don't dirty up alot of dishes at a time and half of those are plastic which tend to melt and/or flop around. It just isn't worth the time and effort to use the dishwasher. So I do them each morning before I leave for work. Jess knows how I feel about this so she will suffer a consequence. Speaking of that, 4 weeks ago I had to spend $20 dollars replacing her athletic shorts and her agenda. So, for the past 4 weeks she has only recieved $5 per week for her allowance instead of her regular $10. She took it in stride and has been looking forward to the increase in funds without complaing or asking for extra, except for asking if I would pay for the dinner at her Wednesday night bible study (they charge $3 to help cover expenses) which was fine.
On a different note I have given up. I cannot explain what it is that I do wrong in life. I try to do my best, make decisions that I beleive are best for everyone involved, do my job, pick up the slack when others are out and yet I still get labeled the bad guy. I just don't get it. I was told to leave, yet I am the bad guy? I have nothing to do with the incident at work and yet when a person returns they are angry with me because I didn't do all of their job? Hello, I have my own job to do which is an extremely busy and involved position. The first 7 months there I did not feel I earned my money because the work was so easy for me. But since I have become the warranty administrator, even with my raise, I EARN my money. I give up. I quit. I have learned the extremely hard way that it is impossible to please everyone. I have written at length about that so I will not go there at this time.
For most of my life I was a person without faith. I had to know this or that, I had to be in control of my life. But that has all changed. I survived up and moving to South Dakota. I survived returning to Texas with literally nothing but the clothes on my back, a camera, and $200. I am a survivor and I have learned how to have faith. Faith in God, and in turn because of Him, faith in myself. The one thing I have always done, and have been doubted because of it, is strive to better myself. Not monetarily so much, but as a person, a human being. I am proud of that. I learned today that the lady who told me my car was going to be totaled out may have jumped the gun. I called back and was informed I am approved in the rental through the 17th but that it was not 100% approved that they were going to total out the Buick. She did tell me it "looked" as though that is what they were going to do but she could not say for sure. What I am getting at here is that there is no point in fretting and worrying about what is going to happen. I have faith that it will work out. Either the Buick will be fixed or it will be replaced. She told me I would get the rental for a few days more after we settle so that I have time to purchase a replacement. No need to stress out, it will work out. Things always seem to when you beleive.
On a different note I have given up. I cannot explain what it is that I do wrong in life. I try to do my best, make decisions that I beleive are best for everyone involved, do my job, pick up the slack when others are out and yet I still get labeled the bad guy. I just don't get it. I was told to leave, yet I am the bad guy? I have nothing to do with the incident at work and yet when a person returns they are angry with me because I didn't do all of their job? Hello, I have my own job to do which is an extremely busy and involved position. The first 7 months there I did not feel I earned my money because the work was so easy for me. But since I have become the warranty administrator, even with my raise, I EARN my money. I give up. I quit. I have learned the extremely hard way that it is impossible to please everyone. I have written at length about that so I will not go there at this time.
For most of my life I was a person without faith. I had to know this or that, I had to be in control of my life. But that has all changed. I survived up and moving to South Dakota. I survived returning to Texas with literally nothing but the clothes on my back, a camera, and $200. I am a survivor and I have learned how to have faith. Faith in God, and in turn because of Him, faith in myself. The one thing I have always done, and have been doubted because of it, is strive to better myself. Not monetarily so much, but as a person, a human being. I am proud of that. I learned today that the lady who told me my car was going to be totaled out may have jumped the gun. I called back and was informed I am approved in the rental through the 17th but that it was not 100% approved that they were going to total out the Buick. She did tell me it "looked" as though that is what they were going to do but she could not say for sure. What I am getting at here is that there is no point in fretting and worrying about what is going to happen. I have faith that it will work out. Either the Buick will be fixed or it will be replaced. She told me I would get the rental for a few days more after we settle so that I have time to purchase a replacement. No need to stress out, it will work out. Things always seem to when you beleive.
11.11.2004
My daughter...
I thought this would be a good time to talk about my daughter. A few years go she had some "issues" about how life was supposed to be and how to respect others. I, along with her mother, sent her to a hospital in an effort to learn how to deal with her issues. She was diagnosed as ADD and ADHD. She spent some time away, while I was in South Dakota. She eventually was released to her mother, but it was too early. Her mother was able to have her sent to a ranch for troubled youths. Most of these youths had no parents or parents that did not care about them at all. I had put my faith and trust in Jess's mother. Jess really took to the ranch and her attitude improved dramatically. She was released into my custody this past August, and while she struggles with schoolwork she has continued to improve her attitude and trustworthiness. She is responsible, does her chores when asked (does them halfass sometimes) and stays on time. She complained that she lost track of time so her Grandmother bought her a watch. She is always within 10 minutes of the time she has been told to be home. She attends church regularly including Wednesday bible study and has a downright cheerful attitude. She struggled her first month at school to find her place among the different cliques and there were some diagreements with other kids, but I wonder if the drugs she was taking had something to do with that since I took her off of them she has only improved more. I get onto her all of the time, but she is beginning to understand it is because I am teaching her about life, not because I am being mean. Now I don't want to be accused of sugar coating this because she is my daughter and I am disappointed she is not putting more effort into her schoolwork. But compared to how she acted 2 years ago, she is doing so well. Shoot, she climbs into bed by 8:30 each evening. I can't get her to stay up and watch tv with me. Around my home it's lights out by 9:00 pm.
I have been watching "Without a Trace", the weekly show where the FBI goes looking for a missing person who apparently has vanished into thin air. Tonight's episode is a continuation of last weeks. It is about a single mother struggling to survive, working at the "Everymart", a knockoff of Walmart. She lives in a tiny apartment in one of those pay-by-the-week motels. They showed a shot of her laying on the floor next to her son, coloring in a coloring book and laughing. I relate to that. Jess and I live in a one bedroom apartment, not alot of room and yet we are happy. We just don't let the conditions get in the way of our lives. She knows I do the best I can and she also knows it will not always be like this. She believes in me. I will never, ever again allow anyone, not her mother, my parents, or anyone else to come between her and me. I would rather be alone than allow that to happen ever again. I made that mistake too many times. At the time I made those choices I beleived I was making the right one but there is only one right one and that is to be there with her every step of the way, being what I am, a Dad. I finally have learned that it is not enough to set an example, to be a provider. I have to be a teacher, and a realsitic one at that. I have accepted that she will never be a straight A student. I now focus on teaching her how to get through life, how to be a good employee. She may never get higher than a grocery bagger, but I will teach her how to be the best one there is. I will teach her to be responsible, for her actions and for her self respect. How to be on time, do a good job, and how to get along with others. I will show her to see the bigger picture, that there is an end to the means. She is already figuring it out and I can only keep my fingers crossed.
Now for the latest on the car...
I called the insurance company this afternoon and they confirmed that the vehicle has been totaled out. Only they did not have a final payoff amount. So I have no idea what I am going to be driving in a few days. I was told to call back in 48 hours if I have not hear from them, except that would put me into Saturday and the are closed Saturday's. So she told me to call back tomorrow evening if I have not heard from them. I will post a picture of the damage soon.I have been watching "Without a Trace", the weekly show where the FBI goes looking for a missing person who apparently has vanished into thin air. Tonight's episode is a continuation of last weeks. It is about a single mother struggling to survive, working at the "Everymart", a knockoff of Walmart. She lives in a tiny apartment in one of those pay-by-the-week motels. They showed a shot of her laying on the floor next to her son, coloring in a coloring book and laughing. I relate to that. Jess and I live in a one bedroom apartment, not alot of room and yet we are happy. We just don't let the conditions get in the way of our lives. She knows I do the best I can and she also knows it will not always be like this. She believes in me. I will never, ever again allow anyone, not her mother, my parents, or anyone else to come between her and me. I would rather be alone than allow that to happen ever again. I made that mistake too many times. At the time I made those choices I beleived I was making the right one but there is only one right one and that is to be there with her every step of the way, being what I am, a Dad. I finally have learned that it is not enough to set an example, to be a provider. I have to be a teacher, and a realsitic one at that. I have accepted that she will never be a straight A student. I now focus on teaching her how to get through life, how to be a good employee. She may never get higher than a grocery bagger, but I will teach her how to be the best one there is. I will teach her to be responsible, for her actions and for her self respect. How to be on time, do a good job, and how to get along with others. I will show her to see the bigger picture, that there is an end to the means. She is already figuring it out and I can only keep my fingers crossed.
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