DrPhil.com - The Show

Dr. Phil explains that there is a difference between fighting over a topic or an issue.

I have come to figure this out. The topic was Laura not appreciating what we were doing for her. But in reality the "issue" was I had needs that I felt were not being met by Tam. My issues did not seem important to her because she would not discuss them or what she was doing about them with me. I was left in the dark. I expressed my views, but when I saw nothing being done all I could assume was she was not taking them seriously or doing anything about them. Later, when she told me she had been trying to do something, I was even deeper hurt because she had allowed me to stew in my own anger juices instead of putting my mind at ease by telling me. She said she felt I was not supporting her in various things but if she looks back, maybe I could have expressed things in a different way, but at least I expressed them. Her, silence, which led to disgruntleness on my part which made her keep silent and so on. She did not communicate her feelings, thoughts, and actions about my feelings on certain subjects and therefore I did not know she was doing anything to address them. I hope she has learned this lesson for it was a very costly one.