"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" came home this evening from work and mom and dad were in a testy mood, so i showered and went to joe pool lake to shoot some photos of the setting sun. spent about an hour there and got some amazing shots of the sun reflecting off the water (will get some posted on the photo link within a few days). as i was walking on the dam i passed an attractive young woman that had a camera around her neck. as i was carrying my camera with my headphones on, she looked at me, smiled and said "hi". of course i didnt know what to say other than hi back, but it made me feel good to be noticed and smiled at. on the side of the roadway, in the grass was a couple that were kissing and necking all the time i was there. later as i was returning to the parking area i stopped to shoot some more photos and they came up the pathway. i had thought they were a young couple, the way they were carrying on, but to my surprise, the were my age! actually it made me feel really good to realize i am not too old for such things. i only wish the one i love had been with me to share an experience like that couple did. life moves on though, and we must move with it. i heard a quote on tv this evening, and while i cannot remember it exactly, i think i can get the message across. it went something like "he who lives on hope alone, starves" or something to that effect. i guess the meaning is it is ok to have hope, but dont let everything you do and live for depend on that hope. i cannot help how i feel, what i desire, what i hope for, but i am moving forward, i am not letting my life be at a standstill just because i do not have her. i just choose to do things alone at this time. i dont mind having a friend to share time with, but in no way do i have any interest at all in romance, or finding a romantic partner. my heart belongs to another even though she no longer wants it. i will get over her and move past her in my own time, my own way. and to make matters worse, she is sick, and i should be there taking care of her. i should be the one to help her, to do for her, it is what i want. you dont stop loving someone because they became sick and you dont stop loving them just because they no longer love you. you just learn to bury your feelings, but it takes time, how much time i don't know. it is something that will just happen, and then maybe it will never happen. whatever my destiny, my fate, nothing will compare to the time we shared. the closeness, the laughter. it was a good day today. i love her.