"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" SPEAKING OF YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE, I AM STILL GETTING THE COLD SHOULDER FROM THE CASHIERS. NOT THAT IS MATTERS TOO MUCH IN THE LONG RUN IN MY LIFE WHAT 2 TWENTY-SOMETHING FEMALES THINK, BUT AGAIN IT WAS FUN TO CHAT WITH THEM AND HANG OUT IN THEIR OFFICE. BUT I AM THE ONE THAT CHOSE TO ARGUE WITH MISTY, EVEN IF I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE SUBJECT. "FORGET ABOUT BEING RIGHT OR WHO IS WINNING THE ARGUMENT ABOUT WHO IS RIGHT". "THERE ARE TIMES IN LIFE WHEN YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO MISS A GOOD CHANCE TO SHUTUP. I COULD GO ON AND ON WITH THE QUOTES BUT THIS IS A CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF EVERYTHING THAT DR. PHIL IS POINTING OUT UP TO THIS POINT. BY SIMPLY SHUTTING MY MOUTH AND NOT ARGUING THE VALIDITY OF WHAT MISTY WANTED TO DO, I WOULD STILL HAVE 2 FRIENDS THAT I NOW NO LONGER HAVE. I HAVE TO SAY THAT AS I ATTEMPT TO PUT INTO PRACTICE THESE THINGS, IT IS HARD. JUST LIKE ANY LONG TERM HABIT (SMOKING, DRINKING, ETC) IT IS EASY TO SAY YOU WANT TO QUIT OR CHANGE, BUT IT IS QUITE ANOTHER TO ACTUALLY DO IT. I DO BELIEVE I WILL ULTIMATELY SUCCEED BECAUSE I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THESE THINGS AGAIN. I FEEL THE FIRST STEP HAS BEEN TO ADMIT THESE PROBLEMS AND THEREFORE I AM ON THE LOOKOUT AS TO WHEN THEY OCCUR. WHEN I DO CATCH MYSELF REACTING INCORRECTLY, I GO OVER WHAT I SHOULD OR COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENT. IT WILL TAKE TIME AND EFFORT, BUT I TRULY BELIEVE IT WILL BE WORTH IT, JUST FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS AND PEACE OF MIND. "PROBLEMS DON'T GET BETTER WITH TIME. YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT YOU DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE. AND WHAT YOU DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IS GOING TO GET WORSE UNTIL YOU DO. "SELDOM DID EITHER PARTNER IN THE MARRIAGE COME TO ME AND SINCERELY SAY, 'DR. MCGRAW, I WANT OUR MARRIAGE TO WORK, NO MATTER WHO IS RIGHT.' WHAT BOTH OF THEM USUALLY SAID, IN EFFECT, WAS, 'I WANT YOU TO RECOGNIZE THAT I'M RIGHT, AND CONVINCE MY SPOUSE THAT I'M RIGHT, SO THAT WE CAN DO THINGS MY WAY.' THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED WITH DAWN AND TAMMI, I FELT I WAS RIGHT AND I WANTED TO PROVE TO THEM I WAS RIGHT. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I WAS RIGHT OR NOT, IF IT WAS GETTING IN THE WAY OF OUR MARRIAGE IT WAS NOT RIGHT. ONCE AGAIN, IT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABOUT WINNING THE ARGUMENT BUT ABOUT ME MISSING A GOOD TIME TO JUST SHUT UP. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE TO GIVE IN EVERY TIME, BUT IF IT WAS NOT WORKING, THEN I NEEDED TO BACK OFF AND TRY A DIFFERENT APPROACH. DON'T BE AFRAID TO TRY SOMETHING NEW. I LEARNED A NEW WAY TO TIE MY SHOES AND I AM USING IT AS SOMETHING TO KEEP ME FOCUSED ON LEARNING A NEW WAY OF LIVING. I READ DON'T BE AFRAID TO TRY NEW THINGS, SO I TRIED IT. AND WHILE THE AUTHOR CLAIMED IT IS A FASTER WAY TO TIE YOUR SHOES, IT IS NOT YET FOR ME BECAUSE I NEED TO PRACTICE. I HAVE BEEN TIEING MY SHOES ONE WAY FOR MOST OF MY LIFE, JUST AS I HAVE BEEN REACTING TO PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS ONE WAY FOR A LONG TIME. AND JUST AS I AM GETTING BETTER AT TIEING MY SHOES A NEW WAY, I WILL GET BETTER AT REACTING TO SITUATIONS BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID TO TRY SOMETHING NEW. "YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE LESS THAN PERFECT. YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO HAVE ACCUMULATED BAGGAGE--DISTORTED THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS--ALONG THE WAY, WITHOUT CONDEMNING YOURSELF AS A BAD PERSON." I COULD NEVER MEASURE UP TO WHO I WANTED TO BE, BUT NOW I AM JUST WHO I AM AND NOTHING MORE AND I AM HAPPY WITH THAT AND ALL OF MY IMPERFECTION. AN EXERCISE FROM THE BOOK IS TO MAKE A SHORT LIST OF PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU AND PUT DOWN WHAT WOULD BE LEFT UNSAID IF ONE OF THEM OR I WAS TO DIE RIGHT NOW. SO HERE IT IS: MOM: I KNOW I GET ON TO YOU ABOUT YOUR IMPATIENCE AND YOUR 'COLORFUL' LANGUAGE, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME, YOU FORGIVE ME WHEN I SAY THINGS I SHOULD NOT SAY AND YOUR ALWAYS AVAILABLE TO HELP ME. I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU FOR GOING AGAINST ME WHEN JESSICA WAS GOING TO A HOSPITAL. EVEN THOUGH I BELIEVE YOU WERE BLINDED AS TO JESS'S PROBLEMS YOU DID IT OUT OF LOVE FOR HER AND FOR ME. IT HAS MEANT SO MUCH THAT SHE HAS HAD GRANDPARENTS THAT LOVE HER AS MUCH AS YOU DO AND EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN A BATTLE AT TIMES OVER HER, I WOULD RATHER HAVE THAT THAN NOT. I HAVE SEEN GRANDPARENTS THAT DID NOT TAKE MUCH INTEREST IN THEIR CHILDREN AND IT IS BOTH A LOSS FOR THE CHILD AND THE GRANDPARENT. DAD: ALONG WITH THE ABOVE ENTRY I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT AS I HAVE GROWN OLDER AND A BIT WISER I HAVE LEARNED TO TRULY APPRECIATE HAVING YOU AROUND. I DON'T ALWAYS AGREE WITH YOUR POINT OF VIEW OR YOUR METHODS, BUT AT LEAST I HAVE YOU THERE TO DISAGREE WITH. I COULD NEVER IMAGINE BEING IN YOUR POSITION OF NOT REALLY HAVING YOUR PARENTS AROUND. I HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR YOU AND WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IN YOUR LIFE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND. I HAVE NOT BEEN THE KIND OF SON I FEEL I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BUT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO START. YOUR STUBBORNNESS MAY GET TO ME SOMETIMES BUT I DO LISTEN AND LEARN. SOMETIMES SEEING YOUR POINT OF VIEW AND DECIDING IT IS NOT FOR ME IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS AGREEING WITH IT. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND JUST WISH I HAD DONE THINGS A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY SO I COULD GIVE YOU MORE IN RETURN THAN I HAVE. SISTER: I WISH I HAD BEEN A BETTER BROTHER THAN I HAVE. WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER WE WERE NOT VERY CLOSE AS YOU HAD YOUR GROUP AND I HAD MINE. I WISH WE HAD PLAYED GAMES TOGETHER MORE OFTEN. I HOPE WE CAN STAY FRIENDS AS WELL AS SIBLINGS BECAUSE SOMEDAY MOM AND DAD WON'T BE AROUND AND WE WILL BE ALL THE FAMILY WE EACH WILL HAVE. NO MATTER WHERE WE GO IN OUR LIVES I WANT US TO STAY IN TOUCH OFTEN ENOUGH THAT WE ALWAYS KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. WHEN THERE IS NO ONE LEFT TO TURN TO WE WILL STILL HAVE FAMILY TO LEAN ON. SISTER, I LOVE YOU. JESSICA: WELL JESS, I DON'T KNOW TO SHOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME, HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL I HAVE DONE THAT HAS CAUSED YOUR LIFE TO GO AS IT HAS. BECAUSE OF MY ACTIONS I HAVE DENIED YOU KNOWING YOUR YOUNGEST BROTHER. BECAUSE I WAS MORE INTERESTED IN FINDING A MATE FOR ME RATHER THAN JUST TAKING CARE OF YOU, YOU WANDERED OFF TO OTHER KIDS THAT DID NOT KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG. I HAVE MADE SO MANY CHOICES THAT AT THE TIME SEEMED RIGHT, BUT TURNED OUT SO WRONG, ALOT OF IT IS MY FAULT. MOST OF IT NOT YOURS. YOU DID MAKE SOME BAD CHOICES ALSO, BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT YOU, OR RATHER DID NOT TEACH YOU VERY WELL ABOUT RIGHT FROM WRONG. I CAN NEVER TELL YOU ENOUGH JUST HOW WONDERFUL IT HAS BEEN BEING YOUR DAD. WE DID SO MANY THINGS TOGETHER WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER AND THEN I BECAME SIDETRACKED FOR A LONG TIME. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN MY LIFE, BEING THERE FOR YOU AS YOU MOVE FROM CHILDHOOD INTO YOUNG ADULTHOOD IS MY MISSION NOW. I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING YOUR DAD AND BEING A GRANDFATHER TO YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU HAVE THEM SOMEDAY. A PARENT IS ALWAYS A PARENT AND IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO BE YOUR DAD. I LOVE YOU. TAMMI: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WILL EVER READ THIS BUT YOUR IMPACT ON ME AND WHAT I HAD WITH YOU IS MORE THAN I CAN EVER DESCRIBE WITH WORDS. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, FROM THE MOMENT I LAID EYES ON YOU, I KNEW WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. I WILL ALWAYS BELIEVE THAT. YOUR SMILE, THE WAY YOUR EYES WOULD LIGHT UP WHEN YOU SAW ME, IT IS WHAT I HAD ALWAYS WANTED. WHAT I DID SHARE WITH YOU WILL STAY WITH ME FOREVER. I AM SO SORRY THAT WE WERE NOT ABLE TO WORK OUT OUR DIFFERENCES. I WISH I COULD HAVE DONE MORE TO CONVINCE YOU TO KEEP TRYING IN OUR MARRIAGE. MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN RAPID CITY AND KEPT WORKING TO SHOW YOU THAT WE COULD HAVE GROWN STRONGER TOGETHER. I AM KEEPING MY PROMISE TO YOU, TO CHANGE AND GROW AS A PERSON, AS A MAN, AS A PARENT. MAYBE IT JUST WAS NOT MEANT TO BE. BUT HAVING KNOWN YOU, I WAS SHOWN WHAT REALLY MATTERS TO ME IN LIFE. LAUGHTER. I HAD NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH BEFORE I MET YOU NOR SINCE I HAVE LEFT. WHOEVER YOU ARE WITH NOW, AND IN THE FUTURE, I HOPE YOU MAKE THEM LAUGH AS MUCH AS YOU DID ME. SOMEDAY I MAY FEEL ABOUT ANOTHER AS I FELT ABOUT YOU, BUT NEVER, EVER, WILL I FEEL MORE THAN WHAT I FELT FOR YOU. I HOPE THAT NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO IN LIFE, YOU WILL REMEMBER OUR TIME TOGETHER AS A SPECIAL TIME. SAYING GOODBYE IS SO HARD TO DO, BUT DO IT I MUST. JUST KNOW THIS: I AM FOREVER JUST A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY. MY HEART, AND MY LOVE ARE YOURS FOREVER. "PAIN, IF ACKNOWLEGED, CAN BE A POWERFUL MOTIVATOR." IT IS EXACTLY THE PAIN I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH FOR THE LAST 5+ MONTHS THAT IS THE REASON I AM CHANGING MY WHOLE LIFE AND BELIEFS. "LIFE DOESN'T REWARD QUITTING". ENOUGH SAID. I AM IN THE CHAPTER ENTITLED 'THERE IS NO REALITY, ONLY PERCEPTION'. AND WHILE I WILL NOT QUOTE LONG PARAGRAPHS HERE, IT BASICALLY IS SAYING WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR MONTHS NOW. IT IS ALL IN HOW YOU REACT TO A GIVEN SITUATION. PART OF THIS BOOK DEALS IN DEPTH WITH 'ACTION'. AND I AGREE THERE ARE TIMES WHEN YOU MUST TAKE ACTION, RATHER THAN REACT. BUT MY JOURNEY STARTED OUT ABOUT REACTING TO SITUATIONS BECAUSE THAT WAS THE DOWNFALL OF MY MARRIAGE, AS IN, MY REACTIONS SET OFF OTHER REACTIONS IN TAM UNTIL WE ENDED UP AS WE ARE. "REFUSE TO LIVE WITH UNFINISHED EMOTIONAL BUSINESS." THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST SUMMER. I HAD SOME ISSUES. I PERCEIVED THAT THEY WERE NOT BEING ACTED UPON OR LISTENED TO. I LET IT CONTINUE AS UNFINISHED EMOTIONAL BUSINESS UNTIL EVERYTHING FELL APART. WHETHER I GOT MY WAY OR NOT, TAM AND I SHOULD HAVE COME TO A RESOLUTION RIGHT AWAY AND THEN SUPPORTED EACH OTHER ON WHAT THAT RESOLUTION WAS. INSTEAD I ALLOWED IT TO BUILD ALL SUMMER LONG. I WAS WRONG TO ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN. HANDLE IT, HANDLE IT NOW, ACCEPT THE DECISION, AND MOVE ON. AS I SAID MANY TIMES, COMMUNICATE, NEGOTIATE, AND COMPROMISE. AND DON'T TAKE FOREVER TO DO IT. ALSO, ONCE A DECISION IS MADE, IF IT IS NOT WHAT I WANTED, DON'T POUT ABOUT IT, ACCEPT AND SUPPORT IT WITH ALL MY ENERGY. "YOU ADDRESS THE ISSUE, THEN YOU CLOSE THE BOOK AND PUT IT AWAY."