"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" "YOUR ATTITUDE OF APPROACH DICTATES WHAT YOU WILL GET BACK" I WAS A "PORCUPINE". I HAD A CHIP ON MY SHOULDER AND WALKED INTO EVERY SITUATION EXPECTING TO BE OFFENDED. I FOUND FAULT WITH EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AROUND ME. EVERY ACT I PERSONALIZED AS OFFENSIVE TO MY SENSIBILITY. I WAS ALSO A "PERFECTO". I KNEW THERE WERE NO PERFECT PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD, YET I STRIVED TO DO EVERYTHING TO ITS UTMOST PERFECTION. I SQUEEZED EVERY CENT OUT OF EVERY DOLLAR, I WORKED TO MAKE NO MISTAKES AT WORK, I CONTINUALLY ATTEMPTED TO BE THE "PERFECT" HUSBAND. AND BECAUSE I COULD NEVER REACH THE STANDARD I HAD SET FOR MYSELF, I WAS FRUSTRATED. AND EXCECT FOR TIMES WITH TAM, I FELT LITTLE JOY IN LIFE. AND HAVING ALREADY RECOGNIZED THESE THINGS AND HAVING THEM REINFORCED AS I READ DR. PHIL'S BOOK I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER AND AT PEACE IN MY IMPERFECTION. I HAVE BEGUN LET GO OF "NEEDING" TO DO EVERYTHING TO THE VERY BEST IT COULD BE DONE. SOMETIMES GOOD ENOUGH IS GOOD ENOUGH. I ALSO WAS A "WHINER". I DID "BITCH IF I HAD BEEN HUNG WITH A NEW ROPE". MY MOTHER HAS BEEN SAYING THAT TO ME FOR YEARS, BECAUSE IT WAS TRUE. "LIFE WAS NOT FAIR TO ME AND I DID NOT DESERVE ALL THAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME", IS HOW I FELT. WELL, I DID DESERVE IT BECAUSE I CREATED MY OWN EXPERIENCE. I CAN NEVER UNDO WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME, ONLY MAKE THE CHANGES THAT ARE NEEDED SO THAT IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. AND EVEN THEN IT MIGHT, FOR A MYRIAD OF OTHER REASONS, AND IF IT DOES, OH WELL, JUST PICK UP THE PIECES AND MOVE ON AGAIN. LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS FAIR, AND IT IS NOT PERFECT. BUT IT IS WHAT I MAKE OF IT, AND HOW I REACT TO WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. I CAME TO BE THIS WAY BECAUSE AS A YOUTH I WAS PICKED ON AND MADE FUN OF ALOT. I WAS NOT VERY POPULAR WITH THE GIRLS. MY PARENTS, BLESS THEIR HEARTS, WERE VERY LOVING BUT NOT REAL WISE TO THE WORKINGS OF THE WORLD, OR IF THEY WERE, THEY DID NOT TEACH ME VERY WELL. ONCE I GOT OUT INTO THE WORLD, I WAS LOST WITH NO DIRECTION. I LEARNED AS I WENT. I LISTENED TO MY PARENTS (EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T THINK I DID!) BUT AS I GAINED SMALL BITS OF WISDOM I FOUND THAT THEIR WAY WAS NOT ALWAYS MY WAY, BUT I WAS PUT DOWN BY THEM WHEN THEY COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENTLY THAN HOW THEY DID IT. I WAS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THEIR APPROVAL IN HOW I DID THINGS, YET WHEN THEY DISAGREED ON MY DECISIONS, I FELT I HAD NO SUPPORT FROM THEM. I FELT I WAS NEVER GOING TO BE TREATED AS AN ADULT BY THEM, THAT I WOULD ALWAYS BE A KID THAT DOES NOT KNOW ANYTHING AND I RESENTED IT. I LET MY DESIRE TO BE LIKED BY PEOPLE STAND IN THE WAY OF MY HAPPINESS. I LET THE HIGH SCHOOL BULLIES CONTROL ME UNTIL I DECIDED I HAD ENOUGH. I LOST 3 RELATIONSHIPS IN THE LAST 7 YEARS BECAUSE I LET WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME CONTROL MY ACTIONS. I DID NOT HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE FOR MY DECISIONS, RATHER I BLAMED EX-WIVES, BULLIES, PARENTS, CO-WORKERS, AND ANYONY ELSE I CAME INTO CONTACT WITH FOR MY PROBLEMS. I WAS ANGRY WITH THE WORLD AND WHAT THE WORLD HAD DONE TO ME. AND BECAUSE I LOST THE WOMAN I TRULY WANTED TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH, I DECIDED I HAD HAD ENOUGH. WHAT I WAS DOING AND HOW I WAS ACTING WAS NOT WORKING. SHE SAID SHE FELT IT WOULD NEVER CHANGE, BUT BECAUSE IT HAS HURT SO MUCH, I KNEW I HAD TO CHANGE OR I WOULD REPEAT THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN. IT HAD TO STOP. IT HAS STOPPED. "...THAT IF YOU CAN DO DIFFERENT, YOU WILL HAVE DIFFERENT." THIS IS WHAT I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND. I WAS FOLLOWING A CERTAIN PATTERN AND I HAD PREDICTABLE RESULTS, I.E. MY RELATIONSHIPS FAILED. NOT MY FAULT ALONE, BUT NONETHELESS, THEY FAILED. I WANT TO SUCCEED, I WANT TO WIN, SO IF WHAT I WAS DOING WAS NOT WORKING, THEN I HAVE TO "DO DIFFERENT". "WHEN BEHAVIOR BECOMES ALMOST AUTOMATIC, YOU STOP PAYING ATTENTION TO OR EVALUATING THE CAUSE-AND-EFFECT RELATIONSHIPS IN THE CONDUCT." THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED WHEN TAM TOLD ME SHE HAD TO GO ON A 1500 CALORIE DIET A DAY. I STARTED IN ABOUT HOW THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH, BLAH BLAH BLAH, BECAUSE I WAS ON AUTOMATIC AS TO MY BEHAVIOR. EVERYONE IS WRONG, EVERYONE IS AGAINST ME, NO ONE ELSE IS RIGHT IS HOW I RESPONDED TO EVERYTHING. IF THEY HAD TOLD HER SHE NEEDED 3000 CALORIES A DAY I WOULD HAVE SAID THAT IS INCORRECT. IT DIDN'T MATTER WHAT THEY TOLD HER, THEY WERE WRONG AND I WAS RIGHT. MY BEHAVIOR WAS TO RESPOND TO ANYTHING AS BEING WRONG FROM THE GET GO. "IF YOU HOPE TO HAVE A WINNING LIFE STRATEGY, YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST ABOUT WHERE YOUR LIFE IS RIGHT NOW."