Another subject...

I was watching a young man this evening at the Parts counter. He was wearing some kind of jacket that represented something he enjoyed. I don't if it was motorcycle jacket or some group he like or what but it occurred to me why, for so many years I resented people that displayed such things. I never had the opportunity as a young person to do that myself. I couldn't be that "rock star" in my mind, growing long hair and wearing a leather jacket. Or maybe it was the football player, wearing a replica of his jersey. Whatever it was, I had to "worship" it (as all young people do!) from within because I couldn't show my colors. So I grew up resenting those that did (because they could) show theirs. I was jealous of what they got to do and I didn't. I never could get that job where I could grow my hair long. I had to be clean cut to face the public. So I never was able to create an identity. I did try in the early nineties by getting into hiking and combining it with my first love, photography. I dressed the part, hiking shoes, the shorts, big mountaineering backpack. But It wasn't enough. I had missed out on being a "cool" guy. I did buy me a leather jacket (love it and can't wait to get it back here!) but to this day I am the geek. I don't have the hot bod, or great looks. I don't have the cool job or car/truck. But finally, after so much anguish and anger, I am HAPPY with who I am. I am ok with my geekiness. I was able to look at this young man, who I had never seen before, and not be jealous of who he was and who I would never be. My daughter loves me because I am her dad and for no other reason. It has taken me a long time to figure out that is the most wonderful thing I can be. A DAD. Those are the colors I wear now.