Heartache...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." It is such a difficult emotion, especially when you are the one being sent away. To love someone with all the heart and spirit you have. To see your life before you with them at your side. And then to have them say they no longer want to be with you, for them to leave you behind. Left behind, that is what happens when one decides that the life you shared is no longer what they want, even when they know in their heart it was good. Time, they say, heals all. But it doesn't, it just allows you to deal with it. Twenty years from now, will this just be a faded memory? Will the 2 1/2 years I spent with her just be an afterthought? Will I just be an afterthought to her? Or will she look back and remember all of the good that was there and wonder what if? So many questions and no answers. I guess only time will give us the answers. This has been the most difficult time of my life, these past 6 weeks. And after sharing and doing for this woman as I have, what else can a man do to make a relationship work? Is there something more I could have done? What did I do wrong? Where do I go now. I gave up everything for this woman and I would gladly do it all over again, for I was loved like never before, or ever again I think. What to do now? I am back in Texas, but my heart is elsewhere. I loved living in South Dakota, but how could I ever live there knowing she is there, yet not wanting to be with me? Time, again, it is all about time. If my future is not to be with Tammi, then I have no choice but to accept it as my fate and that GOD has another path for me to follow, a path I have not traveled yet. I hurt like no human should hurt. A large part of me has died, for I do not think I can ever feel as good as I felt when I was with her. I hope she reads this from time to time, because maybe she will come to realize just what she meant to me and will remember what I meant to her. Hope springs eternal and from the ashes of this horrible period, an new tree, a tree of hope will spring forward. I have shared experiences with her and felt things I have never felt before. How can that ever be recaptured? How can I move on knowing she is in this world? Will she think about me from time to time? Will she go to the mountains we loved so much and remember a moment we shared, and for just an instant, feel that joy that was between us? I hope so, I hope I am not just a faded memory, something to be remembered and then the memory is discarded. It is said you cannot live in the past, that you must live in the present and I believe that, only I do not want to be her past, I want to be her future. I am once again left with a broken heart and only memories. I had direction with her, knew where we were going, and now I am as a car with no steering, no direction. I have been praying to GOD for a sign, something to let me know my direction, but this was not what I had prayed for, but since it is what I have gotten, I must see it through, to find my path in life and once again, find the WHY in it all. It will be a difficult journey, without Tammi, but I will choose to believe that someday we shall meet again, and maybe, just maybe, I will see those arms open to me once again.