As my daughter enters her fifth month of pregnancy I have really started to reflect upon my total failure as a father. It is no small wonder that she has been as screwed up as she has. I thought I was a good father but that was just me wanting to believe that just because I put food on the table and a roof over her head it made me one. In retrospect I made poor decision after poor decision, especially when it came to the parade of women I brought into and out of her life. And following that was my basically abandoning her when she needed me the most, all for my personal needs. When I felt I could no longer take the pressure and stress I ran away. Now many years later I not only have had to face more stress and pressure but live with the consequences of my actions. I have moments when I struggle to deal with what I have done but those are the moments when I turn to God for guidance. It has been written many times that you should not have regrets in life but I do, many of them. I have made terrible decisions and the hardest part is I cannot go back and undo them. Sometimes I am blessed with a second chance but many times I am not and it is hard to balance my failures with my feelings. I do hope that I am able to impart some of what I have learned to her as she now raises her own child. I hope my daughter will see past a failed father and recognize the truth: that I love her beyond measure and as she had grown so have I.