It is never better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. If you have never loved you will never know just how bad it hurts to have lost.
If I ever lose my mental abilities, I request that I am taken to Oregon and allowed assisted suicide. Having spent the better part of the last month at a nursing home, I see so many eldery people that just drag themselves around in their wheel chairs not even knowing where or who they are. My grandmother went through 10 years of this. I will not. I can accept physical limitations as long as I have my mind to think and learn. I sit here and can laugh with my wife but if she was physically ok without a mind, that truly would be a loss.
Yankton leader Strike-the-Ree said "The white men are coming like maggots. It is useless to resist them.... Many of our brave warriors would be killed, our women and children left in sorrow, and still we would not stop them." **
Each day I watch my wife die a little more and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
It is one of my favorite photos I have ever taken.
Well, today we go see the surgeon again, most likely to decide Tam's fate. It seems to be coming down to death or amputation. Of course we don't want amputation but that is better than 6 months of the worst pain imaginable followed by death. I have taken a couple of days off to be with her while these tests and decisions are being made. Sometimes there are situations more important than money and this is one of them. Our life is about to be changed forever and we want to make the very best decisions we can.
My daughter will be happy. I was able to retrieve her property from the detention center. She called the other night (it is a very hard thing to earn a phone call, I was very proud of her for being able to do it) and spoke to Tam the whole call. She apologized for some things that she had done. That needed to happen in the healing process of the last several years. I saw her for a couple of hours Sunday and she I beleive she is finally getting it. She is figuring out just how much everyone loves her and what it means when we get to see her. She made a statement that she is going to do whatever she has to do to get her time done and get out. She has a dream of owning her own comsotology business and I am going to do what I can to make it happen. I don't want to put her down for her dreams because they are hers, not mine. I have told her for years to figure out what she likes to do and then learn how to make money at it and she is doing that. She tells me she will get assistance for college and I will do whatever I have to do to help her get that. We have decided not to move from our two bedroom so that Tam's mother can stay close to her daughter. When Jess gets out we will transfer to a three bedroom.
It is less than two weeks before our anniversary and I am planning nice evening just the two of us. Of course it will be at the hospital but I am bringing in a nice dinner and of course some flowers. As part of my employee of the month award I received a $50 gift card to TGIFriday's and I will use that to bring the dinner to her. It may be our last one together so I want it to be the best I can do under the circumstances.