ABCNEWS.com : Astronauts Finish Task in Risky Space Walk: "Another first on this spacewalk: Prime responsibility for the job was divided between the two Mission Controls, in Moscow and Houston, depending on what side of the station the astronauts were on at any given moment."What a confusing world we live in. Why can't we just have a space station that is controlled from one place. U.S. side, Russian side, how about "Human" side.
Tomorrow is the big day. I have come so far since I returned to Texas and I am so close to having a life again. I just hope this court hearing goes in my favor. I really don't want any setbacks in my financial situation. I can't understand my luck at the women I become involved with. For whatever reason it just has not worked out. Partly I am to blame, of course, but I have always had the belief that you work it out, that , as Dr. Phil's wife said, divorce is not an option. These were not abusive relationships, I have never been, nor will I ever be that kind of person. I just seem to meet women that are scarred from previous relationships so they don't have the strength or desire to work things out whenever an obstacle arises. No issue ever goes away on its own, it must be dealt with.
Today's menu.... I spent all week wondering what delicacy I would treat the family to this week. This morning Mother came out and showed me two salmon fillets she had gotten from the butchers shop. The store had whole salmon on sale but instead of the 20 cases they were supposed to receive, they only got 3. So in exchange for a product they did not have, she got this for $2.99/lb! What a deal! Hope this wets your appetite! p.s. the one in the center with the chunk missing was my test piece to check for doneness. enjoy.
Work was very productive today. I corrected ALOT of suspended claims and transmitted them. Hopefully most will pay and I will look like the warranty wonder boy. We shall see. Other than that not much happened.
I am so tired. I had stopped taking tylenol pm's, I have never liked taking any kind of medicine, but I will return to them next week as I have only been sleeping 5-6 hrs each night. I don't think I will make it to Saturday Night Live tonight.
rained today. mowing needs doing. car needs worked on. only one day off this weekend. I guess I will not get things done as I am going relax tomorrow. I have to work up my presentation for the court hearing on Thursday so other than grocery shopping and maybe a run to Fry's I will hang out here in my chair in front of the puter. Give me an early morning and some coffee and I will have it done.
I have come to the conlusion I probably will not get to see my son after all. The reason for this is because I will not be bullied into doing things that I just cannot do. What I am referring to is my having to pay for a counselor to see him. In the document delivered to me last week, it is stating we attend counseling "at my sole expense". I just cannot afford this. I attempted to communicate with D in a resonable manner and I recieved no response. At our age we should be able to communicate in a reasonable and responsible manner, yet she only communicates with me when she has an issue with the child support payments, I get no response when I have an issue to discuss. This is what I will show to the judge when I step before him. I have copies of most or all of her letters and emails from the past 2 years. My sole point is that she only communicates with me when she needs something, yet I do not get the same courtesy when I want to discuss with her. I will tell him I cannot afford a counselor and if that is what is required then I made the correct decision 6 years ago as it means D still has not matured enough to be reasoned with. It is the price I pay for trying to have a little happiness in life. Things are much easier to deal with when you accept the truth about them. The truth in this is she will never co-operate with me when it comes to me being in R's life, and I am not meant to have a companion. I will find my joy and happiness in other places and people in my life.
I recieved my cd recommended by kev @ tj's place, tony c. and the truth, and while the single "Little Bit More" does rock and I can picture a dancer doing her thing to that song, the rest of the cd is not bad but not near as good. If "Little Bit More" is a 10, then the rest of the songs range from a 3 to a 7. Still, for someone as myself that cannot stand to purchase cd's just to get one song, it was worth the money I paid to get it from amazon.com. I have already ripped it into wma, mp3, and wav files. At first I thought WTF, as I could not see any audio files in windows explorer. It is some kind of "enhanced" cd, with some pics and video. But I figured it out.
Talked with the ranch yesterday and Jess has a hearing on July 8th. I will not be able to make that as I had not planned to come see her until August, but my folks are going to see her next weekend. I am sending a permission slip today for both them and for her mother to take her off of the ranch for visitation. The way the case worker talked she might be sent home after the hearing but in all likelihood she will stay for another couple of months and then she will get to come home. I am shooting for a Sept. 1 move in date as I nearly have all of my bills paid off. With the raise things can proceed much faster now.
Speaking of work, it has been a hectic 2 weeks. First, cashiering half a day put me way behind in my work, then this week I am attempting to train someone for my position, learn some things about my new position and all the while keep up with my current position. WHEW! It is enough to drive someone off the deep end. And all the while I have this upcoming court hearing on my mind. I have too many irons in the fire and as I look back I see how they got there. I have to reduce this over the next few years. Added on top of that is my well documented heartache from Tam's decision over 8 months ago. It has been exactly 8 months today since I last gazed upon her with my eyes as she left me at the bus station. Since I last held her in a "goodbye" embrace. God will never give me more than I can handle, but I cannot handle it alone. That is why I pray to Him for strength and guidence. And I do feel my prayers are being answered. He may not always give us what we want, but we will always get what we need if we just BELIEVE. I believe that. I came here, found a job, getting things organized. The hard work, the putting up with my dysfunctional family, them putting up with me, it is all working out. I truly miss Rapid City, but I now believe this here is where I belong for the time being. While I want to enjoy each and every day, I work towards the future, mine and my childrens as best as I can. Time moves very quickly and waits for no one.
I have an update to my work situation. I signed my new pay plan today and while it is not what I was seeking, it is a good enough start. If I prove myself then more will come, I have been assured. So that is good news. I will not be getting my own office next door at L/M. We all talked and decided it would be best for me to share my current office with the woman that is replacing me for at least a few months so that I can get her trained to a proficient level.
I purchased a cell phone today. Got one from T-Mobile. I was reading an article on Yahoo about the pay-as-you-go plans. After researching the 4 main ones I settled on T-Mobile as the most flexible and lowest cost on getting started. $69 with a $20 mail in rebate and if I purchase new minutes withing 90 days my minutes will roll over. So, $25 card 4 times a year equals $100 which is less than $10 per month. Since I have no one to talk with I feel that 100 minutes a pop will be more than enough.
`It is fair for any employee in any line of work to receive a pay raise when they are exceeding their expected roles within their company, or receive a promotion and increased responsibilities,'' McCardell added."That is what has me a little upset with my director. I will be eternally grateful for him hiring me when I returned to Texas and was desperate for a job. But since that time he has admitted holding me back when I worked for him before because I was so good at my job, he felt he couldn't easily replace me and that is what has happened again. I am fortunate that this time I have others looking out for me and while there will be some lumps taken by them as my replacement learns her position, they are not holding me back.
I sure do like blues music. I don't know why I have suddenly taken a liking to it, but man, these guys can play! (I am watching Two and a Half men, the episode with Jenna Elfman, she is so incredibly hot!!!) I can't wait till I am in my place. Relaxing on the sofa, posting pics and jamming to some good music. I had lost my appreciation for such simple things in life. I am glad I am rediscovering them.
DrPhil.com - Advice: "Robin's Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds Robin reveals what helped her and Dr. Phil survive their first year of marriage. 1. Ask only what you're willing to give. If I ask that he give me and treat me with dignity and respect, then I have to treat him with dignity and respect. 2. Embrace who your spouse is. Support what is important to him/her. When we first married, I said, 'If we're going to do this, and we're going to have fun, you need to lighten up. You are so serious.' And I was a big pouter, and the first few times I tried that he said, 'If you won't pout, I promise I will discuss anything you want to discuss and we will come to a decision immediately.' 3. Talk about your needs. It would really hurt my feelings if he would walk in the door and not come find me and say, 'Hello, I'm home.' And so we started what we call the four-minute rule, and the minute he walks in the door, he comes to wherever I am, and says hello, and we visit for at least the first four minutes. That sets the tone for the rest of the evening. 4. Contribute to your marriage daily. When we were students in college, I would sit at the end of the apartments on the stairs and I always had a glass of iced tea waiting for him. And to this day, as soon as he walks in the door, the first thing I do is hand him a glass of iced tea. 5. Commit to your marriage. What's important to a marriage is that the commitment you make to each other is something you work on every day for the rest of your life. When a couple gets married sometimes they think, 'Is this the one thing that's going to make him leave?' Phillip and I both agreed our first year of marriage that nothing will ever make us leave. This is forever. Divorce is never going to be an option. And that made a huge difference in our marriage."This last part is what I believed. Why say those vows if you cannot back them up? I will never understand the ending of this marriage. No arguments, no fights over money. We supported each other through so much. But then I find out she felt unsupported in a situation that I feel was selfish of her because I was the one that was supposed to be supported in it. I supported her when her girl skipped school and cost us money. I took it in stride and we moved forward. I supported her when she moved back to her Daddy. But the one time I needed it the most, she cowered and slinked away. Angry? No, not angry. I am disappointed in her. She knew what I had been through before just as I knew what she had. Seperation and divorce should have never been an option as that is just taking the easy way out. I have a right to be upset, but I also will always be there, open for communication.
Dr. Phil explains that there is a difference between fighting over a topic or an issue.I have come to figure this out. The topic was Laura not appreciating what we were doing for her. But in reality the "issue" was I had needs that I felt were not being met by Tam. My issues did not seem important to her because she would not discuss them or what she was doing about them with me. I was left in the dark. I expressed my views, but when I saw nothing being done all I could assume was she was not taking them seriously or doing anything about them. Later, when she told me she had been trying to do something, I was even deeper hurt because she had allowed me to stew in my own anger juices instead of putting my mind at ease by telling me. She said she felt I was not supporting her in various things but if she looks back, maybe I could have expressed things in a different way, but at least I expressed them. Her, silence, which led to disgruntleness on my part which made her keep silent and so on. She did not communicate her feelings, thoughts, and actions about my feelings on certain subjects and therefore I did not know she was doing anything to address them. I hope she has learned this lesson for it was a very costly one.
Ande knew this was a big part of Bob's life, but she thought once they got married, that would change for him.Why do women think they can change the man? They see the person they believe he can be, instead of the person he is. Age old thing.
The New York Times > International > Middle East > Acting on Threat, Saudi Group Kills Captive American: "'The murder of Paul shows the evil nature of the enemy we face,'"By calling this man by his first name, Bush is insulting the man. First names are reserved for friends, relatives, and aquaintenences (?). How dare he insult this man and what happened to him in this manner!
Ok, now for the bad: I finally worked up the nerve to call my son's mother last night about getting the visitation going but all I got was an answering machine. Called her work number (these phone numbers are 1 1/2 yrs old, didn't know if they would work or not) today, but the guy that answered said she was on vacation (she always takes vacation in June with her parents) so I will try again next Monday.
The ugly: Tomorrow is my anniversary with Tammi and I have not seen her in almost 8 months. Needless to say, because of how I feel about her and that what I want is not what she wants, what should have been a joyous day will be a sad one. :( I do hope she is happy in her life. I am getting happy. Things are looking up. God as answered many of my prayers and the ones not answered I feel have been and I can't see it yet, or they will be in the future. I have to maintain my faith and keep striving to improve myself. It has not been an easy road, but then anything worthwhile has sacrifices that go along with it. If I indeed get the warranty admin position I will be set for life in the manner that I can go anywheres and get a job, not just in the auto industry but in many other places where warranty claims must be coded and submitted. I will know that I can start to prepare for that final part of my life that, for me, will begin at age 55 (if I am fortunate to live beyond that, there are no guarantees in life)
"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God.This was sent to me by a friend and I find it very inspirational.
I called Dawn last night. Got her answering machine but it was weird. A man answered saying we are not home, blah blah blah, but before that message ended, her voice came on saying "we are not at home, leave a name and number and we will call you back", and the voice was trembling. I fee she has call waiting and new who was calling and she faked it being a machine so she did not have to talk me. It beeped about 20 times and then it did come on so that I could leave a message. I got a small bit in and then it cut off. She can ignore me all she wants but I have the right to see my son. I made a choice 5 years ago, but times change, people change, and I am going to be in his life now. I can't afford to take her to court, but yet I will find a way if that is what it comes to. I hope she is more mature than that. She has a memory span of about 2 days and she even admitted she has memory loss so I will just have to perservere.
Talked with Jess yesterday for family counseling. I told her from the start she is coming to live with me when she gets out (she has a hearing in August! I am so excited). She asked why she couldn't with her mother. I said she has to live with someone and I had decided it would be with me. She said ok, I have to live somehweres. We had a really good meeting with the counselor. She really is doing well and I have high hopes for her when she gets home. This time we concentrated on how we would share chores, about communication. We talked about how she gets off subject and off task very easily and that I will have work hard to keep her on subject and task. Discussed how she will have to pick and choose social time because she will have church (she wants to go 2 nights a week) and homework/study time to take care of, not to mention some easy chores (vacuuming, dusting) that must be done. I told her we will figure out the details but it will be something like 6-8pm for school work and on church nights it will be adjusted accordingly. She also wants a small part time job so that must be accounted for also. That was part of the conversation on keeping on task, because at a job, she will have to maintain that. We talked about recognizing things in oneself and that if you know you are a certain way, then you know the steps that must be taken to manage that. Knowing she has a short attention span (she has been diagnosed with slight ADS) she must focus much harder than others. I used to be that way also, still am really. But because my job requires doing 4 things at once, over the years I have learned how to maintain focus. But I still have issues with it. I will do something at my desk and as soon as I am finished I have to get up and walk around. I just cannot sit still for very long. I have always been this way. It is why I enjoy watching movies at home. Because I "need" to do more than one thing at a time I am able to watch a movie and surf, post, edit photos. I know alot of people can do that, but for me it is more than just a want, it is a have to. I just cannot sit still for very long and do one thing. I need my attention to divert often from the main task. It is how I am and looking back, how I have been since I was a kid. She is that way too.
ABCNEWS.com : Official Suggests 'Grouting' Nuclear Waste: "'Where there's a small amount of residual, let's grout it and cap it, and monitor it,' Deputy Energy Secretary Kyle McSlarrow told ABC News. 'And if there is any leakage in the future, we can deal with it.'"What kind of world are we leaving for our children?
ABCNEWS.com : Official Suggests 'Grouting' Nuclear Waste: "A federal judge has ruled that under present laws the Energy Department's plan is illegal. So the Bush administration is urging Congress to pass a new law declaring that nuclear sludge at the South Carolina nuclear weapons plant is not really so dangerous."I have to say I am really not in favor of Bush returning to the White House. It is acts like these that show he really does not care about the future of our children.
Today has gone well. I feel much better, both physically and mentally. I am looking forward to the next 2 days as I hope to get quite a bit of work done around the house. With the rain we got this past week, everything is overdue and overgrown. My tasks await me. Hopefully I am getting past this funk I have been in the last few weeks. I am hoping to get some fun shots of the dogs for Jess.
Well, made the switch back to the old wallet. I do like it better, and so what if it reminds me of her? After trying to move past her for so many months I have decided to quit denying what I feel. Maybe time has allowed me to allow myself to feel these feelings, to remember just how good it was because burying good memories is a waste. She told me she felt as though she had wasted the last 2 years of my life when in reality there is no way it could be a waste since it was the happiest 2 years of my life. It would be a waste to bury them. I rejoice in my memories, knowing that for a time I was loved so much. There are those that live a long life and never feel the kind of love I felt from her. Yes, it hurts to know I am not loved anymore that way, but that is all the more reason to remember it, cherish it. I may end up alone for the remainder of my life, but I can always think of my time spent with her and know that for a while, I was the most important person in someones life, that I mattered to them. That is more than some people ever get to experience.
This evening went pretty good. Got home and went straight outside. I had been needing to chip up the limbs I had pruned 3 weeks ago. I had been told at work that it was supposed to rain tomorrow (more rain!) so I really wanted to get this done. Finished in about an hour then mowed the back yard as it was really thick and high and if it did rain it would be a small jungle by the time it dried out again. So my chores for the weekend are done and tomorrow I plan on uploading photos and commenting on my msn photography group. Rest is what I need. It has been a rough couple of weeks. But I am another week closer to reaching my goals. It is what keeps me going forward, focus on what I want to achieve. That is something I never could do. Develop a goal and work to see it through. I have just muddled along, doing just good enough to get by, not sacrificing as much as I should have so that I could have a little more in other areas. I see things so much clearer now, even moreso than when I first returned to Texas last October. It has been a tough road, but the cliche has meaning, "better late than never."
On another note, I found out this evening my Uncle Andy (see photo below) got married today. He was supposed to in August and I was to be his photographer but they just decided to do it now. They will hold a "reception" in August for all to attend so I will still get to shoot some shots for them.
Speaking of attitudes changing. After I got home, sister came in and started talking to me in nice, decent tone. So returned the favor and we actually had a pleasant evening. I may still have confrontations with people at times, that is part of life and we must accept that, but reacting to the confrontation is important too. I reacted by choosing to keep my mouth shut, even when K was running his mouth to everyone in the shop. By doing that, things calmed down and seemed to be ok. Now, he may be waiting for me by my car to kick my ass when I get off work, but I don't think so. And if he is, he will get more than he bargained for. If a person likes to fight, they fight fair. When a person fights to defend themselves, they fight to win. I abhor fighting, but if I have to defend myself, then I will. I am not afraid of anyone, but I am not stupid either.
Today I changed back to my old wallet. The one I had purchased last month in Arkansas just was not working out. The real reason I changed was in an attempt to further put Tam behind me. See, when I bought that wallet, her and I were at Walmart and I said I liked it. She said, as she always did, "I think you should get it". She let me be me, and I loved her for it. So, it was starting to get a little worn, but not yet time to replace it because of wear and tear. I thought to myself, "Myself, get a new one, move on, put her behind you. Get rid of the things that remind her of you." But that is easier said than done. I paid $15 for the new one, and after starting to think I didn't like it, I thought to myself "Myself, you paid money for it, use it." But I changed back because I really liked the one I had before. So I will live with memory of that time I bought it because it is a good memory and I will use it until it really needs replacing. Then I probably will replace it with one just like it or very similiar.
"is tired of me telling her she is worthless and that I don't want her to be part of the family".That just is not true. I just told her in my response today that she is lazy and has no appreciation for what others do for her. I do things around their house, not to show anyone up, but to stand by what I preached last summer to my step-daughter. Help those that help you. I don't believe in charging rent to family when you are helping them out, but at the same time, those being helped should show some humbleness and gratitude by doing whatever they can to repay that kindness with kindness. I do things for my parents because I love them and I want to help them. I will do what I can when I can once I have left them. Always have, even there have been times that I felt as though they didn't think that was the case. If I offer you something, I do so because I want to, not because I want something in return. But at the same time, any decent person will have a sense of gratitude and will return the favor as best they can when they can. Right now, I do for them because it is how I repay their kindness for letting me stay there and pay off bills. Sister, on the other hand, has this idea that she belongs there, that it is her home as well. It is not her home, it is where she stays, as it is for me. I listen to them bitch and gripe but no one seems to want to do anything about it. Who wants to hear people yell, cuss, call each other names? I certainly don't. I don't have to listen to it, and I won't. I will walk away, not only so I don't have to hear someone bitching and griping, but so I don't say things that I will regret saying. She does not understand what she does to them. I think they feel guilty in some way for how she is. What did they do wrong? What could they have done different? I know, because I ask myself these same questions about my daughter. Any parent that cares about their child asks these questions when their child has problems and issues. I have them, I am sure they wonder the same about me. I will be ok though, because even though it took 20 years and alot of heartache, I know what I must do. Pay my bills and live within my means. Stay out of debt. These are keys to low stress. It takes alot of energy to raise a child, keeping any other stress to a minimum helps keep focus on the child.
Today I purchased a fajita taco, they come around every day with a cooler on a small cart selling various kinds. I have been meaning to buy from her, she is one hot caliente! She is about 20 or so and comes with her little sister (say little, she is not only smaller, she looks younger, maybe 18!). I may be going through a tough time in life regarding relationships, but I still appreciate a beautiful woman! She will make a wonderful wife to some guy someday. Her father works for Don Davis (not sure which dealer, but not ours) and she took over his route for selling tacos on the side. Kind of expensive ($2 ea.) but I don't buy them every day. It did hit the spot though.
I have started using horizontal rules in my blog (as if anyone couldn't notice!), I feel it makes a nice way to end one ramble and begin another.
Speaking of rambling, I hung up on Dad this evening. They put their car in the shop yesterday to get the dents from last months hail storm removed. The had asked me to take them to work tomorrow as sister will have the car. I said no, I didn't want to get up that early so I would just rent a car. Today I changed my mind and decided I would get up early and take them. Sister emailed and asked me to call him as he was getting on to her because she had not picked up the rental car from me. I called and stated I had changed my mind, I would just take them. He started off on me as he does so I just hung up. I don't need to be talked to like that and I don't have to listen to it. He may be my father but I can change my mind if I want to. It was my $50 that was going to be spent, so I feel I have the right to change my mind. I was going to tell him this evening about it but that got cancelled. I really can't wait until I get my own place. I need to continue to pay bills, but I need to get my own place also.
Speaking of bills, I set up my payments to them as bill pays through my bank account. Seems silly since I live here that I would have a check mailed to them, but I use my bill pay to track when my bills are going to be paid and those were the only two that I didn't have on the schedule. It will be easier for me this way.
Rained most of the day today. I played porter again and a couple of the cars I pulled up were on the back row, which collects water. So I was wading through 6 inch deep water. Feet soaked, clothes damp, I was ready to get home and get changed.
Finally got Jess's photo album mailed off to her. It is supposed to arrive on Saturday as the USPS is closed on Friday in observance of R.Reagan's funeral. I had wanted more photos in it before I mailed it off but I will just have to send them later. I am hoping the weather clears and the yard dries enough by this weekend that I can take some pics of the dogs to send to her.
I have been following a blog called TJ's Place. It is written by a guy that is a manager of a strip club in the midwest somewheres. He really is a good writer and alot of us follow him daily. I want to write as well as he does and I am learning some things from him. I hope he understands that imitation is the best form of flattery. I want my own style, but I am learning some techniques from him. I had hoped to turn my other blog, themacman, into something like his but I feel this is too close to copying. So I will take some from his style but use a different kind of theme on it. Or I just might keep this one only (well, keep my rant one also, but rant a little more!) as it is enough to keep one going. Unlike some blogs I follow, I don't feel I need a different blog for every different kind of topic (I have come across some people that keep one for personal, one for political ideas, and another for whatever). I understand one for business and one for personal, two or three different personal ones? I don't think that is for me.
Mom and Dad are finally getting their car fixed from the hail storm we endured last month. They didn't have the deductible but they were told about a guy that does side work that will do it for the amount of their insurance check. He picked up the car last evening and should be through by tomorrow. I am going to take them to work in the morning since sister will have the other car and she does not get home in time. At first I balked at having to get up at 5:30am and run them to the train station, I was going to rent them a car, but I have decided it is not that big of a deal. I will just go to bed a little early tonight. And the guy may be through with it by today, so we shall see.
The rain has finally stopped. It had been going non-stop since yesterday morning. The forcast calls for intermittant showers all through the week. Today's high is only 81 which is very unusual for June. I will take it though because each cool day is one less hot day I have to endure.
Mom and Dad spoke to Jess last night and they told me that she said her mother wants her to live with her. I have made the decision that this is not an optional thing. Jess will have some sayso but not really much. She is coming home to me when she is released and that is that. Tina had her shot at taking care of her and did no better than I did and possibly worse. Also, I was told she may move to Nebraska and I am sorry I have been away from Jess long enough, I am not going to live that far away.
I do have to say I really like this Hello program that blogger has partnered with to upload photos. I still wish there was a way to put photos side by side with it as I did by linking to my photo host site, but we can't have everything now can we? I take what I can get and make the best of it and that is what I am doing with blogger and Hello. Hey, it's free so I am not going to complain!
Just returned from lunch. Finally got Jess's picture album sent off! I have been telling her for 3 weeks I would get it done! Now I need to continue sending her photos. I hope to take some of the pets soon. Mom did include one photo of Nipper but we need some of Wishbone also. That can be a good project for this weekend. Clouds are forming to the west right now, I think rain is moving back in. Probably start just as it is time for me to leave.
Last weekend Mother bought a large box of minute rice. I think instead of buying dinner out each evening I am going to buy things such as canned chile (they always have plenty of that around) and canned stew or soup and have that with rice. It will be cheap, filling and easy to make.
Tam feeding a Canadien Goose.
Here is where I worked. My store is in the middle of the large shopping center building.
This is the park where I went to eat lunch everyday during my last week in Rapid City.
Here is a shot from the top of Tower Hill in Rapid City. Emergiclinic, where Tam worked, is just visible in the lower right of the photo.
Here is a view from the Rapid City bus stop, the last place I saw her.
This is a combination shot I put together while I was in Arkansas.
Yesterday Dad and I finally got the trim piece that had fallen off of the eaves of the house re-installed. I climbed onto the roof while he used the ladder. Even in the evening it was still quite hot up there! I purchased some hearing protection so I can use the chipper/shredder. There is alot of work to be done around their house and I am going to do as much of it for them as I can. I need the exercise.
Found out today that Jessica is still scheduled to be released in October. I just was not told anything about anything regarding her stay there. I found out she was scheduled from the beginning for a 9 month stay. No one told me this. I also found out she is doing really well with her attitude and committment. That is such good news to hear. I have still not gotten her photos sent off, I will do it tomorrow without fail.
I miss riding my bike home from work. It was such a beautiful place. Most of the bike path followed Rapid Creek, for which Rapid City is named after. After the flood of the early seventies the area was turned into parks. It was such a peaceful time for me. I would get off work and ride slow, not just because I was tired and it was slightly uphill all the way, but to enjoy the afternoon air. I remember it vividly, each bump in the path, each corner where I turned. I would ride past the ballfields and see the girl softball teams out there and think of Jessica, hoping someday she could join us. I know she would have loved it there and I know it would have been a much better place to finish raising her than here. But here is where I am so I will do my best. Seems my best is never good enough for others, why I don't know. Maybe I try too hard to do too much. Is that such a bad thing? Who knows.
It is raining today. This has been a weird year for the weather here in N.Texas. To me at least it has seemed to be much milder. Just when it starts to heat up we get a front coming through and we get a day or two of cooler weather. Also, I have figured out how to cope with the heat. Just as with other things, once you accept them as they are it is easier to deal with them, I accept that it is hot, it is going to be hot and there is nothing I can do about it. So, yes, I am going to sweat, feel icky but since that is the way it is, I can now deal with it. May sound weird, but it really isn't. Once you accept something, it can be dealt with. I guess that is why I have such a hard time with letting go. I am not ready to accept certain things. And that is something that really can't be made to happen, you just have to let it run its course.
Noticed a female customer in the lobby today. She looked alot like her, except maybe 10 years younger. I wanted to stop and gaze at her so bad, it was like looking back into the past. But of course I couldn't do that, she probably would complain to my boss! But in a strange way it was nice seeing her again because in my mind that is who I saw.
Talked with Anita about her son (he got into some trouble and is spending a couple of years in prison). She drives 260 miles to get to see him for 2hrs. This is what has me upset with Jess's mother. She had led me to believe that she lived far away from where Jess is staying when in reality it is only 70 miles. If I was that close I would be seeing her every weekend. Oh well, I have given up on giving Tina the opportunity to be her mother. I will do it myself and not worry about asking her opinion. Once again, the more I try to do things right, the more they go wrong.
Gave a guy the evil eye this morning. As I was merging onto the freeway I looked in my left mirror as I am supposed and there was this red Chevy or Gmc SUV. Now, it is my belief that proper highway etiquette means when vehicles are merging, the one in the rear slows up just a bit for the one in farther in front. As I was 3\4 of a vehicle length in front of him, he should have ever slow slightly raised his foot off the throttle and he would have drifted back just enough for me to get on the expressway. But he didn't. Now, I give him credit for not accelerating, that is even worse. And I was accelerating as that is the proper thing to do to merge onto the freeway. But I should not have to floor my vehicle and accelerate to a dangerous speed just because he did not want to slow down a tiny bit. He exited at the following off ramp, so I slowed down and gave him the "Your a butthead" stare. I feel he was too busy stuffing his face with food to show proper driving etiquette.
It has been 8 months today that all joy and happiness in my life was let out of me. I have laughed and smiled since then, but they were as before, just on the surface. I had never really laughed from deep inside until I had met her and I have not since she sent me away. It is difficult realizing that life will never be quite as joyful, the days never as bright as they were when I was with her. Most of my life has been clouded with immaturity and naive thinking, but for a short while it was sunny and I knew where I was going in life. Now the clouds have returned and I pass the days working towards goals I have, but they are goals centered around the "have to's" of life. Children, parents, bills, financial security, etc. And while I will recieve much pleasure from my children and grandchildren, there is still that something that will be missing. Someone to share it all with, not just anyone either, but that someone that you can see yourself growing old with. She was all that and more to me. It wasnever about what we were doing, only that we were doing it together. Being with her made everything I had ever gone through worthwhile. I sincerely hope she is at a good place in her life because if she is not, then what good has it have done to make both of us miserable? I have a path to follow and I know in my heart the Lord has his reasons for this path to be followed, I just don't understand it. Faith is what will get me through, faith in myself that I can continue to grow as a person, faith in God that no matter what happens it is for the best, and faith that I have a love for her that will never be broken.
Yahoo! News - Weight Training Improves Diabetic Nerve Function: "NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Resistance training improves nerve function in elderly diabetic patients with a common condition called peripheral neuropathy, according to findings presented today at the annual meeting of the American Diabetes Association. "This is what I have been telling my father and my wife for years. Seems Pauliemac is stupid, yet he seems to know what he was talking about in the end! HaHa! I may be stupid, but I am one smart "stupid" guy.
This is one of my favorites.
This one I took last night. They were not quite open yet, but I was afraid the weather would turn bad by today (it didn't, but in Texas you never know).
I have already posted this on once, but Iiked it so much I wanted to include it in this posting.
This is the first really good one I took with my digital camera.
Yahoo! News - Diabetics May Have Triple Normal Bowel Cancer Risk: "LONDON (Reuters) - Diabetics may have three times the normal risk of developing colorectal cancer, researchers said Friday."This is the type of cancer I was told she had. I hope she is ok and her treatment is going well. I would never wish this on my worst enemy, let alone the love of my life.
On another note, I am really getting with my family well now. Whether they ever admit it or not, they have come along way in the way they deal with sister and I. I enjoy being around them and look forward to seeing them every weekend once I am out on my own place. I not only love them, but I really like them now too! Kidding. I have always liked them, but they are just more pleasant to be around now. Of course that is subject to change at any time!
Stop looking to be fulfilled at work, advises financial expert Stephen Pollan. "We're taught to follow our passions, and the money will come," he explains, "but fulfillment should come from your personal life, not your job." Pollan, 75, says a job should be seen as something that supplies income and security and hopeully is something you do well-not as a substitute for experiencing life. In Fire Your Boss, his new book, Pollan says to put yourself in charge of your working life. Everyone is replaceable, so you should be cultivating skills and looking for the next job.--from the Sunday, May 23rd, 2004 edition of Parade magazine.