I picked up my scanner this morning and after downloading the drivers tonight I am now able to scan into my laptop. Of course, I forgot the map so I was trying to find the place from memory. After driving around for 30 minutes I remembered the phone number for the place was in my mobile phone so I called them. Turns out I was going 2 blocks north whereas they were 2 blocks south. I went in through the will call door and talked to the guy. As I was waiting I noticed that the office there had 4 desks with flat panel pc monitors. Something about the way the men were working, the casualness of their dress made me think I might like working there. The warehouse was full of Ford Motorsports parts so I have no idea how they came to be selling scanners. I think I am going to upgrade my resume and just mail it to them, telling them if they ever have and opening and they could use someone with my background let me know. Who knows, maybe buying this scanner was God's way of pointing me in a new direction. We shall see.
Having said all that, I had a really good day. I had intended to go to work for about an hour and then on to Frye's Electronics to purchase some floppy discs (yes, there are still some uses for them in this "modern" world!) and some plastic cases to carry them in. But since it started to rain I decided to go to the Frye's that is closer to where I live (at least I thought it was closer, turns out it is only by about a mile or so). I browsed there for the better part of an hour and ended up leaving without the discs or cases. They didn't sell the cases (go figure) and I didn't want to buy discs without cases. I did, however, end up finding cheap (99cents) cases for my new AA rechargeable batteries I had purchased last weekend. I also bought some paper sleeves to carry cd's in, the kind that a cd comes in whenever you purchase a program or hardware for your computer. I like using these instead of jewel cases as they take up much less room in my bag. From there I drove back to my side of town as I wanted to have lunch at this Italian Bistro I had received a flyer in the mail for. I had lasagna and bread with a salad. All for $5! It was as good as I had hoped it would be. I will eat there often. Their lunch special is the same all 7 days of the week. Some places charge more for lunch on the weekend than they do during the week. From there I went to Big Lots. I want to buy a couple of spotlights, the type that has a silver bowl shaped reflector. I plan to use them in photographing things in the apartment, such as fruit or jewelry. Home Depot sells them for $7 and I thought Big Lots might sell them cheaper. They do, but I decided to wait as I had found a couple of other things I wanted. A small metal calculator for $3 and a pack of flexible magnetic sheets that can be cut and stuck to things so they can be made into refrigerator decorations or such. Some time ago Jess mentioned she wanted a mirror she could stick up in her locker. I have such a mirror but it had no way to be affixed to the inside of her locker. I had told her I could glue some magnets to it and then it would work. So now I will finally do that for her. Left there and went to Office Depot to look for those floppy disc cases. Found them, a little more expensive than what I wanted to pay ($5, but that isn't too bad) and then went home. Spent about and hour there before I picked Jess up at school. A really good day. I even received a phone call from my boss that this rubber stamp I had ordered for work 4 weeks ago finally arrived. I even did some warranty work during my hour home before I picked Jess up.
I have been putting alot of thought into what is my number one stress. What I have decided it is being so close on the edge financially. Money is not everything and I don't pursue it for the sake of making money. But it has become my number one goal. To have enough money to survive reasonable, unexpected events should not be a bad thing, even in God's eyes. I am talking about 2-3 thousand dollars. In today's world, that is not a whole lot of money, but not chump change either. It is enough to survive a few months on if I were to lose my job. It is enough to fix or replace my car should it break down. It is enough to take my daughter to the doctor or pay a medical bill for my son should one of them get sick. $200 a month for one year is all it will take to reach this comfort zone. I now think of luxury items, or things that have to be paid for in the future (such as my son's counseling to reintroduce me to him) as "bills". Take the counseling for example, I don't know when it will start (and I do need to find out) but it will someday. So I pay myself for it and once it is paid for I will just let that money sit in the bank. That is my first priority to get paid. Next, I need a trailer hitch for my van, so I will pay myself an equal amount, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly until it is paid for. After that I need a trailer and finally to make the trip up north to get my things. So each one is a bill to be paid. Once I am done with those, I want a new laptop computer, one with a dvd/cd burner built in. So I will pay for it as a bill. It is no different than buying it with a credit card and then paying that off month by month. But I get to keep the interest. In today's instant gratification world, this is an almost unheard of concept. But you know, there is much more satisfaction knowing you waited and saved for it. No matter what happens, LIFE IS GOOD!.
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
"We are not human beings having spiritual experiences - we are spiritual beings having human experiences." These may not be any great quotes or anything, but sometimes you just hear something that clicks and helps you see things in a different way, a better way. I have come to a belief about God and the ways He works. What I beleive is that God does have a plan for each one of us but that we have the ability to change that plan, that is why we have free will. I return to the story about the old man on the roof during the flood who did not get on any of the boats God had sent to him. Consequently he died and therefore God's plan for the man was changed or altered. We must keep our senses alert to recognize when God has answered a prayer or sent a message for us. I also believe that too much can be read into too many things. Last night after parking the van as per my usual routine I checked the mail and then removed my bags. I had my coffee cup hooked around my finger and as I shifted it I dropped it and it broke into many pieces. I picked them up and as I tossed them into the dumpster I wondered if this was some kind of omen about ending the year on a bad note. And sometimes a broken cup is just a broken cup. I decided if anything it was a metaphor for a new beginning as it happened on New Years Eve. So today I rearranged the apartment. I had planned to do that anyways because Mom and Dad had given Jess a computer for Christmas and I had bought a rug for the living room. I needed the rug to run the ethernet cord and the speaker wires for the surround sound system. But still, today is a representation of new hopes and possibilities. So tomorrow I will purchase a new cup and look toward a new year, a year where I will continue to build on what I have accomplished this past year. I have, since I was a young teenager, searched for companionship. It has ruled my life, the pursuit of a lasting relationship. After so much pain, both caused and recieved by me, I have finally figured it out. Just do what I do, be who I am, and somewheres a woman will see something in me that causes her to want to know me better. I am not of the beautiful or well to do set, so for a woman to want to get to know me better she will have to see me do something or say something that catches her interest. But that is fine because I think I would want someone to want me for me, not for how I look. I mean, I wouldn't turn it down if I had been created as one of the beautiful people, but I have also read alot about how many those people are so insecure because they have a hard time knowing if someone likes them for themselves. I am who I am and if I just be who I am it will work out fine. I feel fortunate to have loved and been loved. Three times in eight years I have been down that path and it was wonderful. Falling in love, giving yourself to someone, it is such a powerful and good thing. I have come to realize that maybe I won't ever have another love and I am ok with that. I am not saying I wouldn't want to experience that once again, but if it doesn't happen, fine. There are many things in life we get to experience once or twice and then never again and yet we cherish the experience we had instead of feeling sorry for the ones we never get. I got to be a parent from the moment of her birth all the way through to now and beyond. Because my son is almost 7 years old and I gave up his childhood, she is the only child I will ever have that I get to raise from the beginning. It is an experience I had and never will again but that is ok because I will cherish those memories for as long as I live. It is the same with my relationships. I have loved and been loved and I may never have that again but I will cherish what I did have. I have reached an age where I know I am on the downside but I also have a wisdom and discipline to make the rest of my life easier and enjoyable. I have much left to do in my life and it is about time I start doing it and stop waiting for someone to do it with. Sometimes we need to make the best of what life brings us instead of waiting for life to bring us the best.