1.22.2013

Happy Birthday son, I hope you had a great day. I wish I would have been there to help you celebrate it, along with the past 13 birthdays that I have missed. I can't imagine what it has been like growing up without your Dad. You see, I never had to experience what it was like not having your Dad until I lost mine this past October. Only then, when I no longer had my Dad did I truly realize what I had done to you. My Dad, your Grandfather, grew up without his Dad although not quite the same as you. His parents divorced when he was six and he only had sporadic contact until he spent one summer with him when he was 17 or 18 years old. Only now have I realized just how much he treasured that summer with his Dad as his dad died a couple of years later. He had a step-father for 10 years but he died when my Dad was 16, watched him die of cancer just as I watched my Dad die of cancer. So he had two Dad's and lost both when he was young. There is a saying that you don't miss what you didn't have but that is not true, at least not all the time. I greatly miss you, miss the things we should have done together but did not due to choices I made. I thought they were right at the time but now I know they were wrong and I am filled with regret. I love you more than you will ever understand or believe, just as I did not realize how much I loved my Dad and how much he loved me. Be well and I hope you had a great birthday.