I hope to once again get to attempt this....

AskMen.com - Free Men's Online Magazine: "QUOTE OF THE DAY 'A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.' - Dave Meurer, Daze of Our Wives"


When will the madness stop?

Gulf Daily News: "WASHINGTON: An ageing US population will strain public finances and hurt the economy without swift fixes to the social safety net, such as raising the age for full retirement benefits, Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said yesterday"
Just as I suspected; this administrations is not only sucking away our money in the present, the want to make us work longer and pay more just to get less in the future!

The New York Times > Opinion > Op-Ed Columnist: Where Is The Shame?

The New York Times > Opinion > Op-Ed Columnist: Where Is The Shame?: "Vice President Dick Cheney, another fierce administration hawk. Mr. Cheney asked for and received five deferments when he was eligible for the draft. He told senators at a confirmation hearing in 1989, 'I had other priorities in the 60's than military service.' Many draft-age Americans had similar priorities - getting an education, getting married and starting a family."
Where is the shame? I will vote for Kerry just to get these two-faced jokes out of the White House. I am ashamed to include these as fellow "Texans".


She's Home!!!!

My daughter, Jess, is home now. Where she belongs. With her father. So much has happened to me in the past several years. But now, I have my second chance to do things right. To be the father I want to be. It has been quite a learning experience, for all those involved. But I have become such a stronger, better person. Life is really good right now. I owe so much of it to what I learned in Dr. Phil's book and to my faith in God. In my ability to let my emotions calm down and gain strength from the Lord to make good decisions about whatever is in front of me. I derive the strength and patience to not worry about things that are not under my control at that moment. To only focus on what is directly in front of me and worry about later stuff, later. I could go on and on, but I think the message is clear and I am reaping benefits from it. Tam and I could have done this together and I could have been in RC with all my girls but she lacked faith in me and that was her mistake. I am alone, but I am happy and confident of my future. My girl is back with me, progress is being made in my reintroduction to my son and that is all that matter right now.


A few from the lake...

Momma telling me "That's close enough"

The island in the middle of the lake.

The water fountain on the other side of the island.

Here some photos from the lake near where I now live. It is really a nice place and I look forward to many more photo opportunities. Posted by Hello


My first mail!

I recieved my first mail addressed to me at my new apartment. Of course they were only bills, but still, it is just another reminder of all that I had been without for the past 9 months. I finally recieved the paperwork from Dawn's lawyer. He is trying to have me pay for past medical bills that she never sent to me. It states in our decree that she has 30 days to get the invoices/receipts to me; otherwise I do not have to pay them. Even if I am incorrect on that (and I don't think I am) it really casts her in a bad light by her sitting on those bills for as long as 14 months before submitting them. I have 15 days to pay them once I recieve them so I feel that if they want to haul me into court it will look bad on her for sitting on them for so long. I have made it very easy for her to communicate with me and she is the one that refuses. All she has to do is send me an email or a phone call to let me know that she is taking him to the doctor. I will be more than happy then to send my half. Most of these are co-pays for the doctor or for medicine. She has had my address, both in RC and here, so there is no excuse for her not sending them. Again, to hold them and then try to recoup the costs on such short notice once again shows her mentality and coldness.
Changed the oil and did a trans service on the car today. My car has a couple of problems, one of which is when you are accelerating and the throttle is in one certain position the car misses and spits and sputters. I have learned how to either acclerate more slowly or mash on it and get moving more quickly. Somehow my trans service has made the problem worse. It needed the service as the fluid was quite dark but I surely did not expect this problem to get worse. I really did not think it was transmission related, but rather a fuel delivery problem. I will get it into the shop once this counseling thing with my son is over and I have paid a few other bills off.
Speaking of counseling, now the place where Jess has been wants me to continue with some sort of counseling for her. More money. I work hard, but because I was immature, I did not go to college (one semester does not count) therefore when you add my child support for Ryan into the equation, there is not much money left over for such things. I made alot more before but I had to work 12 hours days to do it and that is part of what led to Jess's issues. Dawn has always resented that I did not work 2 jobs, but what she does not know is that I worked the equivalent of 2 jobs to make enough money to afford my truck and my house. I want less now so that I can have more time for Jess and Ryan. There is only so much one person can do in life.
Have not heard from Bethany this week. I may have scared her, pissed her off, or something else I don't even know about. I did send her a text message from my cell to hers, but again I did not get a response so I don't know. I saw a truck today in the complex like Tam's. It gave me a jump to see it, plus brought back memories. These two women are going to haunt me for a long time if I have to go without them. I love them both, for different reasons, I tried to be good to both of them, and yet I have neither of them. Maybe this is just the wrong time of life for me to be close to someone. But it does get lonely to not have someone to talk to, to tell my day about, to just hold me when I have had a rough day. But I will keep going, I have 2 kids that need me in their lives.


Quincy, say it isn't so!!!

My man Quincy, whom I have defended over and over in debats with my father, seems to have let me down. Drug use? That can only be the answer. I hope Vinnie has his running shoes on, because this offensive line is not one of their best. This could be a long year for my Boy's. We shall see.


Good words of wisdom

My Secret Life As A Former Prostitute: "Regret is an interesting topic for me. Yesterday's postings have brought it to the forefront of my mind. I might be a bit unusual in the respect that I rarely ever look upon things I've done with regret, but I do regret things I have not done. Even if a choice I've made has turned out to be a bad decision, I just look upon that as a lesson I've learned, rather than something to beat myself up for forever. One grows from their mistakes, and if you never allow yourself to make any, how can you learn anything? I feel a little bit sad for people who decide on a particular path, and then refuse to deviate because they have committed themselves to it even when they've found that perhaps the path isn't as interesting or fulfilling as they originally thought it would be. I feel very strongly that one should constantly evaluate their path. Take risks. Allow one's self to be imperfect. Experience everything you can, don't worry so much about making mistakes, and grow and grow and grow."
I was reading this young woman's blog and I just felt I had to include these words of wisdom here. I agree 100% with her.

Good Intentions...

Each day I bring work home with me intending to do it. And each evening after I have showered and eaten, I am just too exhausted to actually do it. And tomorrow it will repeat itself. About once a week, I actually do some work after I get home but not as much as I want to. Oh well, I will try again tomorrow.
Why can't all women look like Victoria's Secret models and wear bra's like them? Why can't I look like the "stud of the moment" and have any woman I want? Questions for a braindead mind that need no answer.


Bethany...Part II

Bethany came by again last night. She and the guy she has been seeing had an argument and she needed someone to talk to. I think they are on the verge of breaking up (if you could call what they have been doing being together). I would never want to be the reason two people split up, but at the same time if one of them was someone I cared about and wanted to pursue a relationship with, I wouldn't be broken up about it either. She came over and sat in the chair by my front door. I rolled my desk chair over and sat in front of her. as she played with her keys and talked to me about what had happened and what she was feeling, I put my hands on her legs (she was wearing shorts) and gently stroked them. It felt good. Really good. I very much wanted to console her for what she is going through, but part of me also wanted her to tell me she did not want to be alone tonight (last night). She made no attempt to pull away, to stop me from gently touching her legs or holding her hands in mine. And so I didn't stop. What I would love to do is take her hand in mine, hold it for 30 seconds. Then I would ask her to honestly tell me it did not feel good to be held by someone she knows cares about her. Someone that will make time in his life for her. That is all she wants, someone to show her they care, to ease her insecurities. I am that kind of guy. She is hurting because she is trying to hang onto something that was not even there to start with. When something that she started with me 6 years ago is still right there in front of her. She is afraid of alot of things and 6 years ago I was not mature or strong enough to understand that and deal with it. But I am now. I grew as a person because of Tam and what she did, but that does not mean it was FOR Tam. I will not play games with Bethany or anyone else, but I will be here, standing by her hoping she figures out that what she really wants is closer to her than she thinks.