I am upset....

I just found out one of my very favorite shows has been cancelled. "Third Watch" on Friday's had become my "look forward to" show of the week. Now I have no favorite show for Friday nights. Because of my work schedule and for my own health too, I had decided to limit my tv watching. Oh, it runs alot, but I picked one show each night to watch. Monday's: 24 Tuesday: House Wednesday: Lost Thursday: CSI Friday: well, nothing now. So, maybe I will just listen to some jazz. I have always enjoyed music but for some reason I only listened to it in the vehicle. I guess because for years my drive was rather long and I got my fill of music in the car. But I have gotten away from listening in the car and more at home. My taste in music has changed and I listen alot of smooth jazz for relaxation. Usually after 9 I turn the tv off and the radio on or drop in a cd. I am also becoming a fan of country music. Having grown up in the country you would think I would be a huge fan but I was so against the world for so long I always did the opposite of those around me. I wanted so desperately to be noticed, to not be ignored that I made a clown, or fool of myself. Having let go of so many demons in my mind I now just listen to it because I like it. That goes for anything. In country music, I find alot of songs saying what I feel or what I have felt. It is a good thing. I still like rock, especially older rock that I had rejected in my younger years such as Steely Dan or The Pretenders and Fleetwood Mac. I was too busy damaging my ears with AC/DC. But times change and so does our tastes. I think maybe Friday nights will just be a night completely devoted to soft music, good take out food and relaxation.

Another prayer answered...Let there be no doubt!

Of God's power. As if the events of the past week were not enough proof of the power of prayer, yesterday I had another one answered. Twelve years ago I joined Bally's Health and Fitness Clubs. Over the years I have come to enjoy working out. It has always been a great stress releiver along with a healthy thing to do. Last September I received a renewal notice but I chose not to do it at that time and have been regretting it ever since. For several weeks I have been hoping they would send me a new one. I am sure you can see where I am going with this....I got a renewal notice in the mail yesterday. I will not pass up this "boat" that has been sent by God. I will activate my membership and take another step towards my fitness and well-being. My daughter learned a lesson in patience yesterday. She was wanting someone to hang out with in a really bad way. She just had to go and do something. All her friends were gone, doing things and she was bored to tears. Finally I took her up to this place so she could hang out with some people she knew. Shortly after I arrvived back at home, the girl she has been running around with for the past week showed up looking for her. The were supposed to go skating together. So I drove back and picked her up. Turns out the girls father changed his mind and was not going to take them skating. Jess asked me but I was pooped out. I told her lets plan on next weekend and I would take them. She knows I will do it unless there is something very pressing that comes up. So the girl spent the night and she had a good time. I kept telling her that sometimes you make plans and they fall through and you just have to accept that you are going to have a boring night at home. It happens. Grow up and get over it. She learned. She is learning. For everything she has put me through over the last 3 years, I am so proud of who she is right now.

The power of prayer and patience....

I know my wife, my love, does not like me to tell the world about her and I will respect that. But I must tell of this. My wife has come back into my life and it is the most glorious thing. I am living positive proof of the power of God and Prayer! But not only prayer, hard work and dedication improving ones mind and spirit. I read from the Bible, if you pray for something, pray as if it has already happened and it will. Being a person that never believed anything I couldn't see, I chose to do this and it has come to be. I preach to no one about how they should believe, it is for each of us to make that determination. I speak for myself but I do pass on what has happened so that others may use that experience to help them in their time of decision. In the darkest of times we must keep a positive outlook on life, always search for the good in whatever happens. I have missed my wife for so long, and I wish I could have been with her to help her through her ordeals. But God puts out a plan for us, and because of our ability to choose, sometimes that plan is altered, yet we must always perservere. Never give up hope. I try to do good things, because I beleive when you do good things, good things will happen. Yes, we also suffer sadness and loss, and only at the end of our lives, when we look back, can we determine the overall goodness of our life. I also try to stay very humble because it is not by the deeds we do that we will be judged, but rather our ability to ask for forgiveness. We all sin, we are all imperfect. But it is in the asking to be forgiven for that imperfection that we may find joy. I had strived for so long to be so perfect to everyone around me that I drove myself into a downward spiral. I am not perfect. I am just who I am. I can only do what I can do and not one bit more. I no longer crumble under the weight of what I cannot do, rather I just bask in the light of what I can do.