I have not posted here in quite awhile. I mean a post about my life and where I am at. I have been quite busy with Jess and work. Things changed so fast once I moved into my apartment. Brought Jess home and settled into the new position at work. Today is the 25th of September. The 25th of each month holds special meaning as it was the 25th day of the month of October of the year 2003 that I last laid eyes on Tam. And this month it isn't just the month but the exact same days of the week. It was a Saturday 11 months ago that I left Rapid City and my wife behind. I have spent the past 11 months learning about who I am. Learning about who I want to be. Trying to keep a promise I made to her when I left. That I would learn to do things differently, that I would improve myself as a person. Yes, I tried to meet someone new, I thought that is what I needed. But I came to realize that is not what I wanted. Yes, I am alone and I do miss the conversation and companionship of another adult. But I have learned that I will never meet someone that is as matched for me as Tam is/was. To this day I miss her as much as I did the day I left. I love her as much now as I did then. I never stopped loving her. I finally accepted that as long as I feel for her as I do I am not interested in meeting someone. I suppose someday I will finally move past her but I am in no hurry to reach that point. I am focused on my children and my job. For the first time I am focused on them as I should have been long ago. But it is my love for Tam that keeps me focused on them. Ironic that it took finding my soulmate and then losing her for me to achieve that. I just wish we could have done it together. I wasted alot of my life trying to have a companion, but myself in some deep holes because of it. And then I found her. The way's God works are mysterious and I just have faith that he has a plan for me and I will do my best to fulfill it. Knowing that the one year anniversary of my leaving Rapid City was fast approaching has but me in a sad mood the past week or two. And it will get worse over the next month. Beyond that, I don't know. There are not any guarantees that I will live another month but I hope to. There is much left for me to experience in this world. I just didn't know I would be doing it alone, without Tam at my side. She is missed and she is loved as no one can love her but me.

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