General going ons......

Not much today. Spent the night at the hospital with Tam. She was told that she would have an MRI this morning. What they did not tell us is that she would also have a CT scan right after. The medical staff has finally caught on to her extreme level of pain and they now prescribe enough medications that she is basically knocked out. So I did not get to spend much time with her today, time that she will remeber anyways. But I got to be there with her and did not have to hear her scream from the pain. For anyone that has had to stand at the side of a loved one while they scream in agony, they will know how I feel. For those that have not, I truly pray you never have to. I don't care how big and bad you are, when you can do nothing to relieve their hurt, it is a humbling, dejected feeling. All I can do is hold her hand, tell her to breathe, and pray. Monday, during her wound change, as I held her hands in mine, I closed my eyes and prayed for the Lord to take her pain and pull it from her and send it to me. Let it flow from her hands and into me through my arms. I think it did as shortly afterward my back started to hurt. Now it always does that when I am leaning over her as it is an awkward position. To me, that just means each time I am there for her wound change He is taking her pain and letting me have some of it. She is my hero and the toughest person I know. I draw strength from her. I also feel the need to take very good care of me because how can I take care of her if I am sick myself. The other day I was walking to my van and as I stepped over the curb I realized that I move pretty good for someone my age (41, my gosh I can't beleive it!!) and that I should not take that for granted. And I try not to.

A breath of fresh air....

Today I got to take Tam outside. The physical therapy team came with this special chair that we put her in. The chair has a motor to make it sit up or lay down as they want her to work on sitting up more. She went as high as she could tolerate painwise. I then wheeled her outside and for the first time in more than two months she felt a breeze upon her face. It was a very good thing. We stayed out about 20 minutes and then she was ready to go back as it was very humid and hot. But to get out for just that short amount of time helped both of our spirits. Thursday I will be taking her out again. The hope is she will be able to sit up fully soon. She needs to regain her strength for the upcoming operation. I want my wife home in the worst way. Each time I spend the night at the hospital I have such a hard time leaving the next day. But I remain strong so I can be there for her whenever she needs me. She would do it for me. Saturday night I finally got to use my new DVD recorder. And it met and exceeded my expectations. It might break tomorrow but for today it works great. And that was using the Frye's Electronics house brand of DVD! At 17 cents a disc, I can afford to build a large collection of shows and movies. Tam and I were talking last night and there are so many movies that we would not mind having in a collection but would not pay $3 for. Think of the Lifetime channel as an example. The discs are so much cheaper than what VCR tapes cost and hopefully will last much longer. And I can always copy a disc to the computer and then burn it on a new disc if I fear deteriation has set in.

Saw Gates McFadden in a commercial tonight. For those that do not know who she is, watch reruns of Star Trek: Next Generation and take a look at the doctor. Sometimes I drive my wife crazy with my uncanny ability to remember actors names and where I have seen them before. I don't know why I am so good at it but if I see them once, I will be able to recognize them right away, even if it has been years since I first saw them. I bought a DVC recorder today. I went for the advertised model but ended up buying a different one. I got an RCA model that was refurbished instead of being brand new. It is quite large but I figure as long as it works. And maybe I got a better one than the new model selling for around the same price. I got it out but have not hooked it up yet. I have been wanting one to make my own recordings of my favorite shows so I don't have to buy those expensive boxed sets. If this works I will be one lean mean recording machine. I want to give a shoutout and thanks for the tip to Lori. I have yet to find out of there is a Krystal's here but it is nice to know there might be. It is getting closer to the time to cut the internet off. But that might not be such a bad thing. Instead of goofing off on the puter each night I might make it an event by going once a week and doing all my internet stuff in a couple of hours. Get me out of the house. But it is nice being able to look something up anytime I want to. Maybe, if I hurry up and send it, I can win my appeal and not lose it completely. We shall see. I was contacted by a director at another dealer last weekend. They are seeking a warranty administrator and I was recommended by a mutual friend. I interviewed on Wednesday, well, more like an informal meeting to just feel each other out. I am not looking for something else but I owe it to myself and my family to listen. I have worked for this company before (1997-1998) and thought I would never again. But I am older and my needs have changed. I might not even be offered the position but I have been weighing the pros and cons of each place. I don't think I will change jobs but one never knows what might be offered. Because I missed all of Monday waiting for Tam to be transferred to another hospital I won't see her again until Sunday afternoon. I really miss her and it just tears me up when I have to go so long without seeing her. I struggle just going from morning to evening. But we will overcome this. Our Love is strong and deep. Got to go to bed now.

Musings....

Evangeline Lilly from "Lost" is so hot, especially in a wet t-shirt!! I still think Jennifer Garner is tops, but she is leaving television so that will leave E.L. to fill the spot as tv's tough hotty. I am only now getting into the richer things the internet has to offer, such as streaming video and such. I only have two shows I make "appointment tv" time for. That would be "24" and "Lost". The rest of my time, when I am either not at the hospital or at work, I spend on the net. Now that is not new, but it is so much better than it has ever been before. And it will only get better than that. I can't wait until I have a laptop with a good battery and strong processor. Soon I will have to turn off my net connection as I can not pay the bill my daughter ran up on the phone. My phone and net are intertwined. So with a much better notebook I can go to MickeyDees or the library, maybe Starbucks and do all this stuff. Some hospitals have wi-fi, so maybe Tam will end up at one that does.

Update...

Well, Tam has been in the hospital about six weeks. And this is her fourth hospital to be in. The tests are finished. Next week she should have surgery. They are going to do a total hip replacement on her left side, or so that is the plan right now. There is a possibility she could have a "hind quarter amputation" meaning they would remove her leg and one of her buttocks. That is a worst case scenario and I sure hope it does not come to that. Her car was recovered last weekend and my daughter is now incarcerated. For how long I do not know. I wish she had listened but some people are very stubborn and hard-headed. Or maybe just plain dumb. Sometimes I wonder. It is going to cost almost $3000 to fix the car. Just another issue to be dealt with. I read in PC World or PC Magazine (I can't remember which and I am too tired to get up and look) about some cool free things. One of them is an RSS news agragator called Abilon. Four years ago when RSS and blogs and such were just beginning to pop up I used and agragator but it did now work too well. Times have changed. This little free program works well and even has a built in blogging tool so I can post here straight from the program. Pretty neat I think. Going to lose my internet soon as my daughter ran up a phone bill I cannot afford to pay. The internet and phone are tied together on one bill. But I can always take my laptop to Mcdonalds and get online for only $3. The library has free wi-fi so that is another possibility. And even though I cannot go to blogger from my work connection, I can email in my posts. So I really have no excuse for not writing more, do I?

I miss.....

Writing here. I have so much social commentary I want to write about but just no time. I hope to be able to do more in the future.