10.17.2005

Interesting words...

"But if for some reason the shit hits the fan, you just deal with it."--Bram Cohen, inventor of BiTorrent.
This is how I have to start looking at things. So much can, does, and is happening in my life I just have to deal with it. I have to keep my head on straight and take it one day at a time, one issue at a time. Today started out tough for my wife. She had a PICC (Perifirily Inserted Central Catheter) inserted into her arm so that penicillin can be delivered with a portable machine she will wear as a butt-pack. Later, her abscess was debri'd, or cleaned out. It is not for the faint of heart to watch that. She has about a 1" inch hole with about a 3" diameter opening under the skin. It was so painful for her when they cleaned it out but it had to be done. I alwasy knew I didn't have a problem with such things and today proved it. No queasiness or anything like that. I watched them so I would know what to do once she gets home, all the while stroking her feat in an attempt to distract her from the pain. I ended up taking the day off from work as she told me she was scheduled for another MRI but that did not come to pass. It was good to be there for her as I was able to help keep her comfortable and wait on her hand and foot. I am learning alot about what it means to be a husband. I am growing more, I can feel it. With all that she has been through over the past 2 years she is fragile right now and will need alot of care and tenderness as she heals from everything. I plan to be there to take care of her. I know she will do the same for me someday when I need it. I love her more than I had ever thought I could, and for those that have ever read this journal, know how much I have written about my love for her. She is my world and will be for the rest of my natural life and beyond. The Lord has blessed me with another chance to be her husband, I intend to not miss this boat. There has still been no contact from my daughter. I really do not understand what is going on in her mind but she is going to learn about life the hard way. Some people just have to learn for themselves. I will do what I can for her as she goes through life but I am going to let her learn for herself because that is the only way she will figure it out.

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