2.19.2005

A horrible week it was...

I am tired so I will make this short. My daughter disappeared for 6 days this past week. Friday, Feb 11th she was supposed to spend the night with a friend. On Thursday, Feb 17, I got a tip from someone about where she was and I went and got her. Everything has been fine since but it will never be the same. I know she did some drugs while she was away. I simply told her, if it happens one more time I will have her sent away (boot camp or some other type of juvenile incarceration) until she is 18. She has been through this before and she is out of chances. I would rather have her locked up than not know if she is alive or not. Only those that have been through this can know how it feels. I had the police searching for her, I made up fliers with her picture and a number to call and I had a small army of people looking for her. I love my daughter so much, but sometimes she can be about as stupid as a person can be. And I have not even mentioned the pain and hurt it caused her grandparents. I refuse to give up on her but she had better start meeting me half way. She talks aobut all the things she wants and I tell her I am happy to get them for her but she has to earn them. Pass school, stay out of trouble, do some chores. Otherwise, she will be on her own as soon as the law says she can. I will help anyone that is willing to help themselves, but I will not support someone that chooses to be lazy and irresponsible. Way I am. I work hard for what I got and I do have expectations of others to meet me halfway on such things. I have not handled situations very well in the past but that does not mean I can't expect someone to pull their own weight. Freedom is not free, we must all earn our way through life. Forgive me, I am venting and ranting because of how much stress she put me through this past week.
On the other front, work is going so well. I have earned the respect of so many people in my company, people in high management positions. I am going to collect the money on my "mistake" and the Fixed Operations director knows about it all so all is well there. My new manager is impressed with my work, skills, and abilities. I have decided that when my lease is up at this apartment, we will move back south near my work. I understood the ramifications of living 20 miles from work, but I really liked the area. I really like it here but I think at my present financial position it would be better to live really close to work. Less wear and tear on the van, much lower gas expense and more time at home for blogging! I have figured out that 2 bedrooms down there are less than $100 a month more than this 1 bedroom we are in right now. Jess has already said she won't mind going to another school. I want to settle back down and have her finish out her education at one school so with me getting settled in at work for the long haul I think this will be our last stop until she gets out of school and goes her own way. Then I will evaluate if I want to continue living wherever I am at or if I want to work on something more permanent. I have come to the conclusion I will probably never live anywhere else than the metroplex here. Once I get her out on her own, I think I will look to buy a couple of acres out in the country and either put a double-wide on it or a prefab home. I am looking at doing that in 7-10 years and that will get me set for the rest of my life. I will try to have it paid off by the time I am 65 and then retire. So, in some ways, my life is really coming together right now. While I experience loneliness at times, I have feelings for only one. So I concentrate on other things in my life. My job, daughter, parents, and life itself. My relationship with my parents is the best it has ever been and I am really happy about that. Although Jess remains a stress, and she always will, she is my daughter, I am finally relaxing in life. This years focus is on saving money for the counseling for my son and the purchase of a trailer hitch and a trailer so I can go to South Dakota and get my things. Patience, something I never had much of has become a virtue for me. In short, I am as happy and content as I can be and that is a good thing.

2 comments:

Kate the Peon said...

Wow. So glad Jess was found and was okay. Good lord, the anxiety that must have been for you...

pauliemac said...

It was immense. I think, at least I hope, she had realized just what she did to myself and her grandparents. She has done well since I found her and is putting out a sincere effort. We shall see. I have a long way to go to get her to adulthood.