1.07.2005

Everything we do....

Has an effect on someone, somewhere, at sometime. This was part of tonights episode of Tru Calling, one of my favorite television shows. God was telling Tru this tonight because she was questioning alot of things, including God. This goes back to the Butterfly Effect theory. Later this evening I discussed with Jess how her actions affect others. I talked about when she gets into disagreements with other young people how they might take out their anger by slashing my tires or keying my van. I talked about how her request for birth control pills and the very real possibility of her engaging in sexual activity could lead to pregnancy. I explained to her that I cannot afford to support a baby as I already support her and I pay my child support on Ryan. Also, I have told her it isn't fair to me to put me in that position. I love my children and I have spent alot of energy supporting them and raising her. I am looking forward to being able to devote some time to myself also. I don't mean to sound selfish, but there does come a time when your children are grown and out on their own and you get to pamper yourself a little. As parents we dote on and spoil and raise and enjoy our children. But, speaking for myself, raising a child is not the only thing I live for. I have received rewards larger than I could ever put into words being Jess's father and I would not trade the experience for anything. I am also a passionate person about life and I have much living to do beyond being a parent. Raising a child is one of but many of life's experiences. I spent the afternoon with the Nissan rep going over claims that require his assistance in getting paid. It was a good and educational meeting. I see alot of changes on the horizon, most of them will be for the best. I bought the Matrix: Reloaded and the Matrix: Revolutions DVD's on Amazon last weekend. The Revolutions disc came right away, I received it on Monday, whereas I have not even received a confirmation email on the Reloaded disc. This evening I finally sent an email to the seller of the Reloaded disc asking them if my order had been processed as of yet. I don't really need it this weekend as I am watching football both days. But next weekend is a different matter. In the near future I am going to buy some really good "chick flicks" so I will have something from all genres just in case I ever meet a woman that would like to watch a movie with me. I have seen, and enjoyed some like "Hope Floats" and "The Horse Whisperer", just to name a few. But because not all women like those kinds of movies I will get some like "The Ring" or "Signs" to go along with my sci-fi flicks. Also, "The Village" is coming out on DVD this week (maybe it already has?) and I am looking forward to seeing it. Must be prepared because you never know when an opportunity will come along. :) I got my electric bill today. I cannot understand why the usage continues to go up when it seems I am using less electricity? We don't run the air conditioner, the heater is off most of the time. We don't wash enough clothes because I cannot get Jess to help out most of the time! WTF?? I don't get it but I am going to get to the bottom of this situation! I want to give a shoutout and thank you to Kate the peon for her kind words to me regarding my relationship with my daughter. It was concerning Jess being able to talk to me about something as important as sex and birth control. I have never handled flattery or compliments very well but I am learning how to do just that, without getting a big head about it. Thanks Kate. Awhile back I was told by someone I had cared deeply for that all I looked for was "a pat on the back". I never have been about getting pats on the back, I do for people because I want to, because I care. My good feelings come from seeing someone smile because of something I did, not from them telling me how good I did. But a pat on the back once in awhile, just to let me know that what I do is truly appreciated, is not a bad thing either.

3 comments:

Kate the Peon said...

PM: I wasn't able to comment earlier but am now! A deserved pat-on-the-back can make a rotten day sunny.

Even as a grown woman, I'm not comfortable talkign with my parents (ESPECIALLY! not my dad) about birth control. Glad you & Jess have bridged the gap early. You'll both appreciate it.

Gweny said...

Hi there! Hope you're having a Happy New Year!

I don't envy you your job as a parent. It's rough, but you seem to handle it very gracefully. Just love her and try to understand where she's coming from and she'll keep trusting you. I wish my father would be like that. Believe me when I say that after she "grows up" a little more, she'll understand you better too.

pauliemac said...

Thanks to both of you. Hearing things like that lets me know that what I am doing is good, because believe me I am always doubting if I am doing right or accomplishing anything.