I am learning that lesson really well right now. I never have had an allergy problem...until now. I never knew the suffering others went through as I rarely ever got sick and had no allergy problems whatsoever. I could literally roll around in a bed of flowers coated in pollen and it would not bother me in the least. But for the past week I have been suffering as I have never before suffered. It is my understanding that the ragweed is raging full speed ahead. I have sinus pressure like balloon about to burst, nasal passages stopped up, nose itching and rubbed raw from tissues and eyes itching and burning. I have been using a nasal inhalent to decongest my nose, bought some sudafed today. All that just barely allows me to get through my day. I now know what some many people have suffered for so long. Once again I have learned that the only way to know what someone is going through is to walk a mile in their shoes. I fear I will walk this path for the rest of my life.
It was said to me recently "Bucko, you need to move on with your life" and that since I have found a partner in the past I can find one again. I guess that is true but I have been giving all of this alot of thought. I now appreciate in a way what "Kiki" said to me as it has once again gotten me into some deep, serious thought. I have come to realize that it isn't Tam I miss so much as what I had with her. But because I truly believe I will never have that again with someone else. But because of that then it is her that I miss because only with her would I have that which I want. I remind myself that while I would like to be with someone, I believe it is not in my best interest to be with someone. My memories, and I am sorry to those that feel they have the right to tell me how to feel, are much too fresh in my mind. I have a few God given talents and long term memory is one of them. Sometimes I think it is a curse because I never forget the things I have done with someone. I am a very deeply emotional person and when I think of a memory that brought me joy, it hurts because I no longer have anyone to share that memory with. What I need is time, years and years of time to make these memories very distant. I still hurt from memories from my childhood so if I have not gotten past those yet, how can I get past things that have happened in just the last few years. It seemed as if I had been with her a long time but now I look back at how much has happened to me in 8 years and realize so much has happened in such a short time. I don't know where I will be or what I will be doing next week much less 5 years from now so I just don't worry about it anymore. There are no guarantees in life and I am reaching the age where people start to get sick and die. Because of that I am going to just do my best to enjoy each day and deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes. I will plan for the future but just keep it basic because who knows if tomorrow will indeed come?
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