maybe a job...

12:50 PM 11/13/03 got a phone call about an interview today. it is with babich temp services. they have a client needing shipping/recieveing workers out in saginaw which is north of ft worth. if tam and i ever did reconcile, that would be a good place to live as it would much closer to her mom's while still being close to my parents house too. and i feel the cost of living in apartments would be much cheaper there also. i am guessing though that being with tam is not going to come to pass, therefore i will continue to structure my life as though that is what is going to happen. i now am not so sure that all of her reconciliations with alton was him coming after her. after how she has treated me in this, not even trying, just lumping me in with him, i don't know what to believe. i do know this, she runs from problems instead of taking them head on and solving them. running from our marriage must have been easier than standing up to her daughter. i am not alton and i feel a marriage can be saved and improved, but instead SHE made the decision on her own that it would not get any better. that is horseshit, it of course would never get better if you don't try to make it better. it takes work, compromise, and dedication. i guess she just does not have it in her for those things. she was so worried she was keeping me from jessica, well, jess is going away for a couple of years and when she gets out, she will most likely go her own way and there is nothing her mother or i can do about that. so all of tam's "reasons" for doing this have gone away and it was not because of her dumping me, it was because time took care of them, even if some of those things did not go how i want them too. of course i didn't want jess to go to jail, but it happened and we all new it would since she just would not get with the program. you know, this is not about finding other people to be with, we both can find others to do things with, have sex with, go out with, it is about what we meant to each other and i guess i just did not mean as much to her as she thought i did. we fit so well, it was like we were meant for each other, but if one is not wanting to WORK at the relationship, it will die. i am a worker and a giver and i will always be that way, but after seeing how my parents disagree over my sister, and she is 37 going on 15, i am not sorry for standing up to what i thought was being disrespectful to us with laura. if you help someone, they should be thankful. i hope i get this job as it has alot of overtime and i will show them they need to hire me permanently and i will move to saginaw and i will be happy no matter what.

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