today i foung the damn profile i had set up on msn. deleted it, it was stupid of me to put it there. love, pain, emotions, they all take a toll on a person. i am tired. i want the pain to end. if tam is set on this direction, then so be it. if she ever can get past what is hurting her and she wants to talk to me, she knows how to get in touch with me. i need to heal somehow. having your heart ripped out is a terrible price to pay for trying to be the best husband you can be. i am not sorry for standing up for what i believe is right or wrong, but when someone disagrees with me or my methods, have the strength and courage to step up and say something, dont stay closed in until you feel like you are backed into a corner. i will no longer send her emails, as that just prolongs my and her pain. if we are to not survive this, it will not be because of me not trying. we are animals too, and just as a hurt dog backed into a corner will lash back out, so do we when we are hurt and feel backed into a corner. i believer tam felt she was backed into that corner and she lashed out by ending this. i in turn felt in that same corner, feel like i was abandoned by her and i lashed out in my own way. this is a terrible waste of what was a beautiful relationship. i sincerely and with all my heart hope she finds what she is looking for in her life. i thought i had, but i guess at some point when i am strong again, i will have to look again. goodbye tam, i hope the remainder of your life you find the happiness that we once enjoyed. i will always beleive we could find that again and i am here if you decide the same.

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