11.19.2003

What is Happiness?

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." I am asking myself that question as I read over and over the quote I post at the beginning of each entry. How can you do whatever it takes if you don't know what happiness is? For me, my pursuit of happiness has always been the pursuit of a companion. Ever since I was a young teen I have longed for the love of a female. I have made many mistakes in that pursuit. I have married because I thought no one else would love me, I have married because I had been alone for a long time as a single parent, and then I have married just because she made me laugh like no other. For me, that was happiness, not just the being with her, but being with her because after a lifetime of not truly laughing, she made laugh. For me, it is not about money, or material items, it is about laughter. She made me laugh, and she in turn laughed with me and sometimes at me because of my goofy ways. We were two mature adults that were able to just be kids with each other. I hope to laugh again, I mean truly laugh from deep inside, but I know in my heart that without her, the only sound I will hear is the soft patter of my tears as they hit the floor.

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