11.04.2004

It is done...

Well, I just sent Tam and email asking when she was filing for divorce and when she was sending my key to me. It has been over a year since I left and eight months since I last received and email from her so I think it is time to get this over with. I have been told to "move on" but I can't as long as I have an attachement to her. I just want to put this past me once and for all. Enough crying. Enough sorrow and self-pity. The other day I was making breakfast for the girls and I suddenly realized I was "happy", whatever that may be. I was feeling a small bit of euphoria, for lack of a better description, at where I was. I have a note posted at work, another of Dr. Phil's quotes that says: Be committed, Do what it takes, and you will have what you want. I believe this whole-heartedly. I am committed to my daughter and my job right now. I want to be the best father I can be. I have been a good provider but not a good teacher. I took my daughter on camping trips and spent time with her but I did not teach her. She is ADD and that is something that cannot be cured. I see myself in her. I now understand I am also ADD and have been since I can remember. So, while it is not a handicap such as blindness, really it is more along the line of diabetes, it is something you can live with but you have to learn how. I am now committed to teaching Jess how to live and thrive with it because I do not have the kind of income to afford the drugs used to treat it. I am also unsure of why she was being given mood stabilizers when it was not and is not her mood that is the problem, rather it is her hyperactivity and inability to stay focused on the task at hand. She has changed alot. She is so respectful of her teachers and administrators. She attends church regularly. So, to get back to my point, I am happy with my place in the world right now. It is time to get on with the future and stop wishing for a past that is never going to come back.

1 comment:

An Adventurer said...

Kudos to you for taking this important step. Some people will ALWAYS have a piece of us - it's unavoidable when you give yourself to someone but that doesn't mean you can't heal and move forward and become stronger as a result. And you're probably a better teacher to your daughter than you realize... not that we all can't improve in some way. Good for you for moving forward!