Meeting the challenge....

Of life. I had an "event" happen to me this morning that has caused me to grow up a little more. I was on my way, as usual every Sunday, to the bank and then to Walmart for grocery shopping. I was stopped at the light, waiting to make a left turn when I suddenly realized the Dodge truck in front of me was backing up! Yes, he hit me. Crushed the grille and headlamps. Fortunately neither of us was hurt (of course than can change come tomorrow as whiplash takes 24 hours to set in, but I really don't think anything happened to me) and the car is driveable. Tomorrow I will call his insurance to make sure he reported it (I am sure he did, he looks very upstanding) and get a rental car. The car is damaged enough that at its age and condition I am sure they will just total it (it is at least $1500 in damage) and I will do just as Mom and Dad did, buy something for cash off of my used car lot. We shall see. But it is something that I did not need after yesterday's error. I feel it is a challenge, a test of my strenth. And so far, I have done well. Of course I was upset but I explained to the gentleman it was not him I was upset with, just that it was another speedbump in life. He felt the same as he explained he had just taken a job as a FedEx driver and he did not need this on his record. I understand that. The police officer suggested I get an estimate and the guy could just pay me straight up but I will not do that as, even though I feel for him, I need a rental car until they decide if they are going to total it or fix it or just cut me a check and let me fix it myself. Between yesterday and today I have grown up some more. I will explain to Jess that I no longer have time for her games. She needs to grow up and get serious about her life. Games are over. I either want Tam (if you read this Tam listen to this carefully) to get the divorce over with or reconcile. Games are over for me as they probably have been for you for awhile with your health. Tam has had my address (my parents home) since the beginning of this ending, yet I have no idea where she lives. Time to grow up and face reality. She ran from her responsibility to me and to her daughter. Ran away, as always. Time to quit running. The other night I was feeling really down and I smoked a couple of cigarettes. I had not since I had brought Jess back to Texas. Afterwards, I thought about what I had done. I didn't feel any different. My situation hadn't changed. So why did I do it? Two days later I realize if it isn't going to improve my situation it isn't worth it. So I threw the rest of them away. I had not intention of having them more than on night anyways but it was just a waste of money and time. I do feel that my maturity over the last year has cost me some of my innocence. I know most people go through that at a much younger age, but I am behind the learning curve when it comes to the rules of life. Of course Dad was his same accusational self so I just let him go. I just needed someone to talk to as it was going rough but they are not the ones for that role in my life. I will survive and succeed, no matter the odds. I have come too far, learned too much to let this slow me down. It will only make me stronger. It was an opportunity for me to be a man, be an adult with another adult and I did it. I was upset at first but rebounded to stand my ground (not with animosity but just as one adult another). It helped me realize I do belong in this world, that I am part of society. There will be a tomorrow.

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