"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" I have been pretty down today. Everything is going well, so that is not it. What is causing this is the fact I have come to a realization. I feel I no longer want Tam. I don't want her to want to reconcile. As more and more time passes, I realize that if she could replace me so quickly, she didn't care about me, she didn't love me. If she could find another to "love" after just a couple of months, she didn't love me. I miss the woman I was with, but now I wonder if that person ever truly existed. Was Tam just trying to be someone she really wasn't? I now feel that Tam really does not know what true love is. What it means to be loved and to love unconditionally. if she did then she would have fought harder to save our marriage. I will always believe that if someone truly, deeply loves another, then they are willing to fight to the end for what they have together, and since Tam did not even lift a finger to fight for our marriage, she did not truly, deeply love me, not the way I believed she did. I am so tired. I have worked so hard to better myself, to correct the things I felt were my responsibility in this situation. I have prayed so hard for guidence. And I have found direction. Things are coming together. I have a plan, realistic goals and a new mindset. But with all that, as the fog of my passion for her slowly lifts comes the clear picture that she never loved me, did not know how to love me. I will continue to work on myself and pray for help and guidence to find my path in life.

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