"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" Whew! What a weekend! Did not do anything special, but I have been so busy! Saturday was a challenge. We only had one advisor, so Donnie and myself also wrote service. I was on my feet and running all day. But everything went really well. I put into play a new attitude and I have to say Dr. Phil was right, you get what you give. I put forth a smile and a positive demeanor, and I had nothing but smiles given back. Now I am not naive enough to believe it will always be quite that way, but it is a start. Mom and Dad came up to work so that they could look for a car to buy. They received the settlement check on Thursday. What they thought would be a long day of driving and looking at cars turned out to be a short trip. It just so happens we had a 1999 Mitusbishi Mirage someone had traded in the day before that they could get for what the insurance had paid. They got it at such a good price because of two reasons. One, it had 140,000 miles on it, quite alot for a car that new. And two, it is covered in dents. It appears to be hail damage, except for the rear drivers door, which was hit by another car. But the paint is in good condition (dark blue) and it run really. It is NOT a powerhouse by any means. It has a small 4-banger, but for a work car it is perfect. It looks better than the Nissan, is 12 years newer and has a very good a/c system. It also has a nice stereo and a 6-disc changer in the trunk. The changer is not hooked up, but we can figure that out later. Today I was going and going. Started out going to the bank, library, cleaners, gas, lunch, Fry's, Wal-mart and then home. Then left with sister to go pick up the Mitsu but it was not ready so we went to pay her storage, then Auto Zone, Krogers and then home. Installed the fuel filter, raised the camper top and installed the tire. Dad got home, we went back to my work, picked up the Mitsu and returned home. After eating, we went out and lowered the camper top, took it off jackstands and moved it so it would be ready for Uncle Tony to pick up this weekend. Came inside, showered and now here I am, my fav place (haha) in front of a puter typing away. I have to say as I absorb what I have been reading from Dr. Phil, one thing really keeps going through my head. He said, 'No matter how right you believe you are, if it is not working, then you must change what you are doing'. This may be the biggest thing I take from this book. I look back and realize how so many times I was so stubborn, sticking to my guns when it just was not a big enough deal. I believe in standing your ground, standing up for what you believe in, but you have to be smart about what you sacrifice in the name of your beliefs. There were so many ways I could have approached certain situations differently. I have taken this to heart as no matter how right I think I am, I do not want my life to keep going as it has. Too much heartache, too much work to start over repeatedly. No, I have to do things differently if I want to have a different outcome. I have to make certain sacrifices and some hard decisions. I know what I want to do and I am going to do my best to accomplish it. What I do know is, I certainly will fail if I don't try. I have made a decision that I will never again allow others to control me by controlling my emotions. I want to love and be loved, but there is a time and a place for that. Right now is not that time. I have certain things I need to get under control. Finances, transportation, my relationship with my daughter. All of these things have to take priority to my own personal life. I have never had the energy to make the real sacrifices needed to get to where I want to be in life. I pooh poohed through a couple of semesters of college and gave up. I have just done enough to get by in life without really putting the energy in to get ahead in life. I did climb up to make over $40,000 once and was in the high 30's for several years, but because I chose to be a single father and purchase a house and be very undisciplined with my finances, I had to work such long and hard hours to have these things, I burned out. I have made so many mistakes but I am correcting those mistakes. A big part of life is the habits you develop. And just as a smoking habit can be changed, so can other habits. How you respond to issues, how you handle finances, your general outlook and personality can be changed. But you have to want it. No one can get you to do these things unless you want to do it. I want to change these things because it just is not working the way I was doing things, the way I was responding to people and issues in my life. Something had to give, and I decided that no one but me could change how I feel. I truly want to be happy and I would rather be happy and alone, than with someone and unhappy. This was a question from the book and I have also read it on a number of blogs. I am not saying I want to be alone, or that I will not experience loneliness, rather I am saying I don't want to just rush into another relationship just so I can say "look at me, I am not alone either, I don't need you". That would be wrong. If I can be replaced after just a few months, then she truly did not love me, and I don't want to be with someone unless they really and truly love me. I don't want to hear the words, I don't want to be touched, I don't want to go through the motions of "love" unless it is true. I have felt severe pain, a broken heart, and I just don't ever want to go through this again. People can change if they want to bad enough, and I want to bad enough because I want to be happy. If that isn't reason enough then I don't know what is.

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