"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." 2/7/04 3:14 PM I have spent the past 3 months writing about how much I love her, how much I miss her, etc. But it finally has come down to this. I love her, I want a life with her. She may or may not love me, but she does not want a life with me. Deal with it. Get over it. Move forward. I have no other choice anyways. Bethany cancelled going with me tomorrow, so I will go to my original destination, Ft. Boggy. Some time completely alone with my thoughts will be good for me. I purchased some hiking boots last night at Academy Sports. Paid $35 + $6 for some hiking socks. If I am going to do the things I enjoy doing, I need the things that will allow me to enjoy it. There are so many signs of new beginnings. I am in my final year of my 30's. Next Satuday will end 7 years since I met Dawn, so my bad luck is ending. I am starting a new life because of what Tam did. I have reinvented myself. So much to look forward to. I may be alone now, but I will be happy, to be otherwise is something I will not allow. On the way home this evening I thought about the sunday tam and i were supposed to go over to laura's for the first time and how i didn't go. i feel horrible, because i just realized i should have gone. no matter how upset i was about certain things i should have gone for my wife, if for no other reason. i should have supported her and stood beside her. i was so wrong to not go. i miss her. i want to make it up to her, but how? when she no longer wants me. how to make things up to someone that doesnt want them made up to? I thought i gave her alot, but now i realize i gave her almost nothing. but i have learned, learned so much.

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