"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" fixed the oil leak on the buick today. the valve cover was leaking. went on a hike near joe pool lake. they have built a "preserve" there with a trail that winds up and down the hills. it was incredibly muddy and slick, but i didn't fall down. not much to take pics of though, so i mostly just enjoyed the solitude. i think i will use it as a place to exercise and keep in "hiking condition". i think the rangers did a good thing trading a-rod. maybe someday they will even make the playoffs again. work is moving me from the drive to the shop. i am being stuck in an "office" that is really just a glorified closet. but hey, as long as i have a job and keep working. and now i will not have to wear a tie. but i am kinda sad about that. i really enjoyed wearing the tie, i thought i looked good. oh well, it is how you react that determines the outcome. i will react with a positive attitude. sister went in to work today. they called her in and she went, on 3 hours sleep. she seems to becoming more responsible. bully for her. have not gotten another email from tam. guess i either pissed her off or made her think, or maybe both. we shall see. she sure pissed me off. her bull-headedness is keeping me from being there to take care of her. that is my job. you know, she felt bad lieing to me about being a lesbian. why doesn't she feel bad lieing to me when she said " for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part" ? i mean, if she thinks that "we just want different things" is the truth, she is deluding herself. it is not about what you want, is about who you are with. and i am sorry, but if she could fall out of love with me that easy, then she never ever loved me in the first place and all those "i love you's" were just lies. and you know what, i dont believe that. so that means she did love me, and if she loved me the way i know she did, it didnt just magically go away, she still does. only tam is a bubbette, and she is afraid that i can't be what she wants me to be, a man that can grow and learn. but then if she would just look back over our time together, she would see that i am that kind of man. what you want doesnt matter as long as you want each other. everything else is workable. once again, tam is assuming things, trying to read my mind on things, trying to give me what she thinks i want, when in reality, all she has to do is ask me. and my answer would be: I want you tam. whatever else comes our way, all i want is you. anything and everything else can be worked out, if we communicate, negotiate, and compromise. i know there is a saying out there about never compromising what you believe in, but this is different, and life is all about compromises and choices and decisions. everyday of our lives, we have to do these things. i don't have all the answers, really the opposite, i have almost none of the answers. i just know in my heart me and tam belong together. i would rather have one more day with her and then die, than have 40 more years without her. that is how i feel about her.

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