This one is for Tam...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." I just needed to talk to you for a bit. I heard a song tonight before the super bowl and it expressed how I feel about you. It was titled "You life me up", and that is how i feel about you. Meeting you, it lifted me up, you gave me strength. When I would be getting stressed over things, you calmed me down. You made me feel so complete. My shortcomings were insignificant to you. You made me feel so good about the things I did for you. All I wanted was to make you happy, to do my best as a husband, a father to my child, and try to be a good example for you daughter. I was and still am proud to be your husband, I wanted the world to know you were my wife and how happy I was to be with you. I will never quite understand why you felt compelled to do this, to put us through this, but I absolutely support you in this. In my time with you, I have seen what a kind and loving heart you have and I truly believe you did what you thought you had to do for your own happiness, even if I think we could have and should have worked it out differently. I stand by your side even if you never change your mind, I will always love you. My love for you is unconditional and everlasting. You said you could not see things changing, but I have worked, not to change myself, because I think there is a difference between change and learning new ways. I have worked to learn new ways, I have thought of how I could have responded differently to the situations that had come up and caused this situation. I can only tell you that I am not the same man that you last saw, I am more mature and have a greater wisdom. You were the person that I chose to spend the rest of my life with and while that is still my greatest dream, it is out of my hands. I have chosen not to pressure you, to let God and fate lead me through life. I will only deal with things as they come up, and deal with them as best as I can. I no longer worry about what might come up, only react to things when they do come up. I have many times over the past few months read about how it isn't what happens to you that dictates the outcome, it is how you react to what comes your way. That is what I do now, you sent me away, so I choose my reaction, and after much shock and pain, I have searched my feelings and how I feel about you, and that is when I truly realized my love for you. I had a 2 choices, either reject you with negativety and anger, or support you and be positive. I chose to be positive. This does not mean we will work this out, and I am fully aware of that, but I feel to be negative is to set a tone for my life that I don't want. I want to hold my head high and say I did my best, because if I choose to do that, then maybe someday you will see what I have done, how I truly am, how deep my love for you is, and you will want to feel that again. Until I have something that says I am not your husband, I am your husband and will be what a husband should be, loving, faithful, supportive, caring. I only hope somehow that you will someday realize this and will accept me back into your life. I have always felt that if I do good things, good things will happen, and to this day I still believe that. I love you, I miss you, I have faith in you, I believe in you. You are the best and you are the only one for me. I will survive, I will live my life as full as I can, I will live as long as God has planned for me to live, but the richness you brought me will be missing.

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