"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" I read an article yesterday that expressed a word for what I have been doing these past months. It is "self-reflection". And it stated that most people do not have the ability to look at themselves in the mirror and admit to themselves just who they are, with honesty. I have been going over the whole time I had been with Tam and I have come to several conclusions, but the biggest one is the reason we are no longer together. She is a wimp. I knew that before, but I always thought she would have enough faith and strength in me to be strong for the both of us. I have been asked do I want to be with someone that is like that? I don't know anymore. I talked with my daughter the other day, and she wants to come back and live with me. and I am not going to stop her. She is at an age where it will be her choice. I remembered back how tam told me she would just lock herself in the room because she could not stand up to jess. and that is what happened. i see it clearly now. it was easier to send me away instead of standing up to laura, or for that matter standing up to me and telling me to back off laura. it pains me so much to know that all we needed to have a long lasting relationship was for her to either stand up to me or her kid, or tell me she can't and let me do it for us. let me be the voice for the both of us. she took the path of least resistance and it leaves me to a lifetime of emptiness. all because she was so damn weak as to not even be able to talk with me. i hope she learns from this too, that she becomes stonger, or she just might meet another alton, instead of another pauliemac.

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