Another day...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." Heard from Tina last night. Jessica is now at the "Ranch". I hope it will do her some good. Tina says Jess cannot have visitors for the first 30 days. It will give me some time to save some money to go up there and see her. I have not been a very good father to her, but maybe I can have a second chance to do better. Second chances, that is what to forgive is all about. I have forgiven Tam for sending me away, she was doing what she thought she had to do. Now I only wish she would forgive me enough to realize that we were meant for each other. that we can work out our differences. of course things would never be the same as they were. but they could be better. we could set some boundaries, know where we stand on subjects and issues, and enjoy each others company as we once did. we could do this. i would do this. i love her as i have never loved before. my heart belongs to her. we never know what life will bring us, but i do know fate brought her to me and i choose to remain ever optimistic about her realizing just how good we were together. i know in my heart how much she loved me and that she still does, no matter what she says. i choose to believe that as she goes through her day, when she goes to the black hills, she cannot help but remember our times together and how it made her feel. and i know in my heart it made her feel very good. i have ordered my camera and it should be here next week. the following monday i am planning on going to the zoo with my camera and my new little backpack that mom and dad gave me for Christmas and test it out. i will think of her, dream of her being with me on my little trips, and remember what it felt like. i love her. i miss her. i hurt. but it is a pain i would not trade for anything on the planet because it is a constant reminder of how deep and passionate my love for her is. and i continue to believe that if i keep my faith, keep hope, someday, somewheres, sometime, we will reunite. until then, i will keep working, paying my bills, and going on my trips.