Buried a friend...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." New Years Day I buried my friend critter. I took it as a symbol since it was new years day of burying the past and facing a new future. some might find this strange or morbid, but i think there is meaning in everything and this is what i got. the following is something that i have been sent before, but was sent again and thought it would be a good fit here. Instructions for Life in the new millennium from the Dalai Lama: 1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all your actions. 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 8. Spend some time alone every day. 9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. 10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time. 12 A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. 13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past. 14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality. 15. Be gentle with the earth. 16. Once a year, go some place you've never been before. 17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. 19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. These are some very good lessons to live by. I wish I had someone to share them with. Things are starting to come together now that I am working and getting a paycheck. Still a long road to go before I can go to RC and get my things and then get my own place. But all in good time. Tuesday I will order my camera and i will be on my way towards my new independent life. I have read there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. and I guess that is correct. there are married people that are lonely and there are people that live alone but have many people in their lives and do not feel lonely. right now i am not alone, i have my parents and sister, and some new friends at work, yet i am lonely. but I will no longer allow loneliness to rule my life. that is the reason for the camera. a new camera by itself will not make me happy, but it will allow me to enjoy the things i like to do in a more fulfulling way. it is a symbol of my commitment to be happy, even if i am lonely. i think a person can be happy and lonely. with the uncommon warm weather, it has been feeling like it did last september when we went to the block long garage sale. that was another of our wonderful times together. i feel the loneliness the most when i remember a good time. i got some film developed. some of the pictures from our trip to devils tower were there. our last trip together. i still hurt, alot. i thought as things turned positive, getting a job and getting things going foward, the pain would ease. but it hasnt. it has just reminded me that with each small triumph, each little victory, i no longer have her to share them with. it hurts so bad. the more time that passes the more i realize i have no interest in meeting another woman. there is just no desire to date someone, to get to know someone new. as i day dream about going on a trip or a picnic, all i see is her. i will go, because i refuse to hide from the things i like to do, but it does hurt. i hurt, i grieve, i am sad. i try to keep in mind the positive things. i am still alive. i am working. i have a family that loves me. i live in a free country. i have a place to live. but still, even with all this to be thankful for, i miss her.

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