"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." I read that you are what you drive. Well, I guess that fits me right now pretty good. My car is not the ugliest thing out there, but not alot to look at either. My car is pretty reliable, but does have its squeaks and rattles and must be treated with some TLC. It is warm and soft on the inside, but the "engine"(heart) is fragile and must be treated tenderly(not pushed too hard). My car has alot of life left in it and many places yet to go, but it has seen better days and some days it runs better than other days. My only hope is that it doesn't break down anytime soon and get left on the side of the road, ready for the junk yard.
I also read a line from a book that goes something like this: "The most complex problems have the simplest solutions." I believe this to be true, as I also believe there are not problems, only opportunities. Having said all this, here is my "problem" (opportunity) and the simple solution. How do I ever get Tam to fall in love with me again and want to work on our life together. Well, the solution (opportunity), is for me to continue to work towards being the person I want to be, to continue doing the things that her and I enjoyed doing, to not let this make me a bitter person, but a better person. It would be easy to just be mad and resentful towards her. But I choose to not be that way. I know she did what she felt she had to do for her to be a happy person. I also know she was very happy with me. So I will continue to love her, give her space, allow her to grow as best she can as a person. And if by chance, someday, she wants to try, I will be there, ready for her. I am not naive enough to be blind to the fact she very well may never want to try again. But I feel it is better to work on myself with the goal and hope that she will rather than just wallow in self pity and resentment. I cried again today over missing her, and I will cry from time to time for the rest of my life. I accept the fact that I deeply love her, that I married her because I want to spend the remainder of my life with her, even if she doesn't want to with me. I spoke the vows to her because I meant them, and I will keep them.