1.11.2004

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." Over the past couple of days I have come to realize another thing. Tam claimed I was not supporting her. But I knew I was I just did not do it in a way that she could see it. I have now come to realize that my leaving, giving her space, is my way of supporting her. Does this mean she will reconcile? Of course not. Does it mean I no longer hurt? Again, of course not. I will hurt until the day comes that we are reunited as husband and wife. And that day may only come in my dreams and nowhere else. I had to leave, not for me, but for her. After so many years of trying her best only to be put down and abused, she needed to find herself. I have complete respect for that. I had to do it myself. I took 2 years to find myself and what I wanted out of life. Then I found her. On a selfish side, of course I don’t want it to take 2 years for her to do the same. But if that is what it takes, I will stand beside her and support her. And when the time comes, no matter how long it takes, that she does find herself and what she truly wants out of life, if that realization does not include a future with me, I will respect that also. I love her. I have come to love her even more than I did when I left her. I will always love her, very deeply. What I had and hope to have again with her is irreplaceable. There is no other person for me.

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