"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" not much to post today. rained this morning, went store hopping with the folks and have been just laying back this afternoon. i don't know if it really works or it is all in my head, but i am a true believer in st john's wort. ever since i have started taking it i have felt so at peace, for lack of better descriptive words. i feel good, have a very positive outlook on life and am generally happy. where i used to shun being around people i now want to be around them. i keep hoping stacy or misty will invite me to tag along on their friday nights when they stop off for drinks and appetizers and then go to the movies. i will not be tacky and invite myself but i keep hoping. friday a week ago we had a luncheon catered in because our dealership won a big award. in the past i would have avoided such a thing, but i went and it felt good. i know i have been angry with world for a very long time but the events of the past year, both good and bad, have made me realize how that was holding me back. keeping me from being happy. i lost the woman i loved so much because i was an angry person. my daughter has been away from me for the better part of 3 years because i was an angry person. i don't know if it is any one thing or a combination of many things but i have come to a point in my life where i know time is running out. even if i have 30 more good years, that is less than what i have already lived and i do not want to live it being angry with the world. i have put alot of faith in God in that he will lead me when i cannot see, carry me when i cannot walk, help me when the burden is more than i can handle alone. i miss tam so much, but because of how i feel right now i would not trade the past 6 months for anything. i only pray that i do have a chance at the happiness i felt when i was with her once again, with someone. i focus my energies on the tasks in front of me, not on my pain of being left behind and replaced and not on my uncertain future. just on what i need to do at any given moment.

No comments: