"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" not much knew happening in my world right now. saw uncle tony again last night. he gave me a nice jacket the other night. he is trying to get rid of alot of his clothes as he is moving back to lubbock soon. the car is running like a champ right now, the only thing pressing to get fixed is the vibration at idle and get the belts replaced. i was able to talk with one of jess's counselors yesterday and found out why she had her phone privelages taken away. seems her and another girl were talking about running away. they said she is no longer talking about that so she should have privelages back next week. i hope so. they tinted the glass to my office yesterday but it looks like crap. they did the lower half in limo, but it looks the same as the rest of it and the limo was not as wide as the 20 so he had to make a seam down the middle. should have just done the whole thing in the 20. they may have him come back and redo it. we shall see. this cashier thing is hard right now as i have to do my regular job and cashier during the busiest part of the day. but it will be ok, it gets me some overtime and some brownie points. sister got the rental car (or i should say truck, it is a full size chevy p/u) yesterday. it is very nice. they were out of cars so we got the truck for the same rate as a compact car. she really likes it. the weather had been just about perfect the last few days but a front came in this morning and it is going to be much cooler (highs in the 50's) and raining the rest of the week. oh boy! i think sunday is supposed to be nice again, i am going to attempt to go to joe pool and shoot some pics, i am going to try the marina and get some reflections in the water. we shall see. this being the last year of my 30's, and it being 7 years (i have been reading the left behind series of books, 7 years seems to be a prominent thing in the bible) since i met dawn, the are metaphors for the ending of this stage of my life. from here forward, everything is about what is happening and what i hope to happen, not about what has happened. the only thing i can do about what has happened in my life is learn from it, continue to grow as a human being and as a man, a father, and i hope someday as a companion to someone who will appreciate and love who i am and what i am about. i have faith that what has happened and what has yet to happen is for the right reasons. that the Lord's plan for me will lead me to a better place. this last year of my 30's is a transition year. it is like that time between deciding to move and actually moving. you get things in order, do alot of preperation, and just keep you mind focused on things in front of you. i am doing that. my focus is on getting my bills paid, getting a bed to sleep on. things of that nature. but it is also a mental preperation for the next decade of my life. i will look back on my 30's as a time of learning, of growing from an immature father, to a more mature, wise mentor. i am so much more relaxed now, i have a much better grasp of my place in the world and the things i want to achieve. and i now have an ability to respond to the situations that arise in my life in a much better way. sometimes i find it hard to put just how i am feeling into words, but i still try. 20 or 30 years from now, when my memory starts to fail a bit, i want to be able to go back and remind myself of just what i have been through, the things i felt at this time. i never want to forget the lessons i have learned or i will be doomed to continually repeat them. and i cannot go through this anymore. the toll it takes on me is just too great. i know i am worth fighting for, i just have not met someone yet that is strong enough to fight for me, to build a happy life with me. she is out there and we will find each other, if that is what is planned for me. and if not, then i will still work towards having a fulfilling life as best as i can.

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