"Live today to it's fullest, for tomorrow may never come" Not much to report today. Can't explain it but I had such a feeling of well-being. i dont know if it is the st johns wort or what but whatever it is, i am liking it!! got a phone call from tina tonight. she did not talk at all about jess, only said she needs to fax me a note about the truck. seems tom is not working again and he is drinking and driving with a suspended license. i will sign the paper and fax it back to her so things will be ok there. she needs to just leave him. does she want that for the rest of her life? i mean even if she does love him, sometimes love is not enough. the buick is sick but she is hanging in there. i just want it to hold together until sunday when dad and i can get out there and check it out properly. i am feeling so good i am back to watching seinfeld every night before i go to sleep. it had been mine and tam's "show" that we used to watch together every night before we went to sleep, before we had moved to rc. i really am feeling as though i am passed her. i don't think about her near as much. and when i do, i force myself to think of other things, things that i want to do or need to do. i am getting ready to start my "life list", a list of all the things i want to accomplish while still here on this earth, both small and large. here is a sample: 1. get my pilots license. 2. live in new york city for at least 1 year 3. become debt free (including finishing my child support obligation) 4. live on a boat for at least 1 year. this is just a sampling, it will become larger, with both small things and these large dreams. watching tonights episode of seinfeld, the thrust of the show is about worlds colliding. this is a lesson for me, sent by God possibly. when i get my own place and jess is living with me, i need to keep my "worlds" apart. i need to have my home life with my daughter seperate from my personal life with other adults (i.e., women, girlfriends, etc). it has taken alot of time and pain and suffering, both on my part and my daughters part for me to finally figure this out. i only hope it isn't to late for her. talking to her she seems to have it together pretty good. she is finally figuring things out. misty is due back to work tomorrow. last week was such a sad week. misty's boyfriends mother committed suicide and then 2 days later, murph, our porter, his son did the same. it shames me sometimes for my upbeat good feelings when others are suffering so much. but my faith is in God and his reasons for what happens.

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