Came by tonight. We just had some chips and dip and went for a little walk, watched a little tv. She was hurting so bad last Monday, I just don't like seeing her hurt like that. She likes that guy so much and he just is not seeing how she feels. I wanted to tell her to think about us being boyfriend/girlfriend again, giving us a chance to grow together. The way we should have done it 6 years ago. We live close together now (I did not move here to be close to her, but it has worked out that way) so we could see each other as much or as little as we wanted to. I can't say that I want to be her husband, I no longer look for that. That does not mean I would not want to be her husband at some point. I just want to spend time with her. I need to do what is best for my daughter but that does not mean I cannot have a girlfriend either. Jess already said herself that just as she will have a boyfriend she knows her father would like a girlfriend also. Bethany and I have a history together but we are different people now than we were then, especially me as I have really grown as a person. I have a much different outlook on life now. I wanted to hold her hand, kiss her and just sit close to her, holding her. She has said before, "been there, done that" meaning her and I but as I said we are much different people now than we were then. I know her much better now, how she is and how her personality is. I so much wanted to tell her these things, but I also do not want to mess up our friendship we have developed. But when I hear her say she does not want to be alone anymore, and yet this guy she has her hopes pinned on is not taking care of her the way he should, I want to tell her we could have something pretty good here. Again, I am trying to put this in perspective, that we could learn from what we did before and not make the same mistakes we did. We had a pretty good relationship, we were great lovers together, shared alot of interests. I can't speak for her but even when something interested her and didn't me, because it was important to her I took an interest in it. But we made the mistake of moving in together too fast, of uprooting her daughter from where she had developed a comfort zone and interests, friends. I think we could do this again, but do it right. Jess needs some time living just with me so she can get back into normal life and Brandy is about to graduate high school, she does not need uprooting. If we could do it again now, this would be perfect. We live 10 minutes apart, our girls are much older now and can be left at home by themselves, so we could spend time together when and where we wanted to. In short, we could be great boyfriend/girlfriend and just let things go naturally, not push it. I have accepted Tam is in the past and not to be part of my future and I am moving on. I want a girlfriend, someone to share a conversation with, to share a movie. Cook dinner for and go for a walk with. And someone to hold close and touch/be touched by. Why not Bethany? Maybe she is afraid it would be the same all over again, but I think if we talked about it, laid down some boundaries and ground rules, we could develop something good. For 2 years after Bethany and I broke up I prayed to God to bring me somone like her and Tam came into my life. Because of that in a long winding road, I have learned so much and grown so much. Why can't my prayer be answered by Bethany coming back into my life, as more than just a buddy? Why can't the reason I met Tam was to bring me full circle back to Bethany? I don't know the answers to these questions but what I do believe is that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything. Maybe she will think the same thing and start to think about "what if" and talk to me, not to tell me this is not possible, but what she would need from me if she were to get closer to me and listen to what I need. Anything is possible if you have hope and faith (and I don't mean the tv show with Kelly Ripa!).

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