Another day....

I purchased some plastic bowls last week, no big deal except they were like the ones we had in RC for our cottage cheese and fruit. It is so funny how the simplest things in life can remind you of another time and place. As I have stated in previous postings I have begun to take cottage cheese and fruit for my daily noontime snack. It is difficult, letting go of that which you don't want to let go of. I know what she has told me, but yet it doesn't seem to matter. I know how I feel about her and how she felt about me. I can see how she came to be as she was and it allows me to give her space and time to find herself. Does that mean my hopes and dreams will come true? Of course not, but it does allow me to have faith that they just might come true. Between taking care of Mom, Dad, and Jessica, re-entering Ryan's life (still have not heard from Dawn, I am going to have to get tougher on this), and taking care of myself, I have plenty to keep me busy and focused.
Yesterday Dad and I finally got the trim piece that had fallen off of the eaves of the house re-installed. I climbed onto the roof while he used the ladder. Even in the evening it was still quite hot up there! I purchased some hearing protection so I can use the chipper/shredder. There is alot of work to be done around their house and I am going to do as much of it for them as I can. I need the exercise.
Found out today that Jessica is still scheduled to be released in October. I just was not told anything about anything regarding her stay there. I found out she was scheduled from the beginning for a 9 month stay. No one told me this. I also found out she is doing really well with her attitude and committment. That is such good news to hear. I have still not gotten her photos sent off, I will do it tomorrow without fail.
I miss riding my bike home from work. It was such a beautiful place. Most of the bike path followed Rapid Creek, for which Rapid City is named after. After the flood of the early seventies the area was turned into parks. It was such a peaceful time for me. I would get off work and ride slow, not just because I was tired and it was slightly uphill all the way, but to enjoy the afternoon air. I remember it vividly, each bump in the path, each corner where I turned. I would ride past the ballfields and see the girl softball teams out there and think of Jessica, hoping someday she could join us. I know she would have loved it there and I know it would have been a much better place to finish raising her than here. But here is where I am so I will do my best. Seems my best is never good enough for others, why I don't know. Maybe I try too hard to do too much. Is that such a bad thing? Who knows.
It is raining today. This has been a weird year for the weather here in N.Texas. To me at least it has seemed to be much milder. Just when it starts to heat up we get a front coming through and we get a day or two of cooler weather. Also, I have figured out how to cope with the heat. Just as with other things, once you accept them as they are it is easier to deal with them, I accept that it is hot, it is going to be hot and there is nothing I can do about it. So, yes, I am going to sweat, feel icky but since that is the way it is, I can now deal with it. May sound weird, but it really isn't. Once you accept something, it can be dealt with. I guess that is why I have such a hard time with letting go. I am not ready to accept certain things. And that is something that really can't be made to happen, you just have to let it run its course.
Noticed a female customer in the lobby today. She looked alot like her, except maybe 10 years younger. I wanted to stop and gaze at her so bad, it was like looking back into the past. But of course I couldn't do that, she probably would complain to my boss! But in a strange way it was nice seeing her again because in my mind that is who I saw.
Talked with Anita about her son (he got into some trouble and is spending a couple of years in prison). She drives 260 miles to get to see him for 2hrs. This is what has me upset with Jess's mother. She had led me to believe that she lived far away from where Jess is staying when in reality it is only 70 miles. If I was that close I would be seeing her every weekend. Oh well, I have given up on giving Tina the opportunity to be her mother. I will do it myself and not worry about asking her opinion. Once again, the more I try to do things right, the more they go wrong.
Gave a guy the evil eye this morning. As I was merging onto the freeway I looked in my left mirror as I am supposed and there was this red Chevy or Gmc SUV. Now, it is my belief that proper highway etiquette means when vehicles are merging, the one in the rear slows up just a bit for the one in farther in front. As I was 3\4 of a vehicle length in front of him, he should have ever slow slightly raised his foot off the throttle and he would have drifted back just enough for me to get on the expressway. But he didn't. Now, I give him credit for not accelerating, that is even worse. And I was accelerating as that is the proper thing to do to merge onto the freeway. But I should not have to floor my vehicle and accelerate to a dangerous speed just because he did not want to slow down a tiny bit. He exited at the following off ramp, so I slowed down and gave him the "Your a butthead" stare. I feel he was too busy stuffing his face with food to show proper driving etiquette.

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