It has been 8 months today that all joy and happiness in my life was let out of me. I have laughed and smiled since then, but they were as before, just on the surface. I had never really laughed from deep inside until I had met her and I have not since she sent me away. It is difficult realizing that life will never be quite as joyful, the days never as bright as they were when I was with her. Most of my life has been clouded with immaturity and naive thinking, but for a short while it was sunny and I knew where I was going in life. Now the clouds have returned and I pass the days working towards goals I have, but they are goals centered around the "have to's" of life. Children, parents, bills, financial security, etc. And while I will recieve much pleasure from my children and grandchildren, there is still that something that will be missing. Someone to share it all with, not just anyone either, but that someone that you can see yourself growing old with. She was all that and more to me. It wasnever about what we were doing, only that we were doing it together. Being with her made everything I had ever gone through worthwhile. I sincerely hope she is at a good place in her life because if she is not, then what good has it have done to make both of us miserable? I have a path to follow and I know in my heart the Lord has his reasons for this path to be followed, I just don't understand it. Faith is what will get me through, faith in myself that I can continue to grow as a person, faith in God that no matter what happens it is for the best, and faith that I have a love for her that will never be broken.

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