Much to write about today...

For starters, I think M is about to be let go at work. She is really taking it hard that S was promoted to take my position. S has worked for the company for 4 1/2 yrs without a raise, M has been there less than a year. M has never done my position before (not to say she can't, she just hasn't) whereas S has done this before, albeit for Toyota instead of Nissan. M is being ugly to everyone in this, even after having been spoken to by management. She is hanging on by a thread and if she does not change her ways she will be looking for a new position. I have to say I admire T, she has come along ways herself. We have been working with her training as the 3rd cashier and I think she will work out fine. There was a time when I was not so sure about this, but it goes to show if you work with someone, give them an opportunity sometimes they rise to the occasion. Me and S are going to take her to dinner next Tuesday to celebrate her graduating from high school. She has been living on her own and continuing her education and that is something she should be very proud of. It would have been so easy for her to just give up and find a full time job but in 10 years she would regret it so much. Now she is planning on going to college! I am being selfish when I say I hope she rubs off on my daughter somewhat.
I have come to the conlusion I probably will not get to see my son after all. The reason for this is because I will not be bullied into doing things that I just cannot do. What I am referring to is my having to pay for a counselor to see him. In the document delivered to me last week, it is stating we attend counseling "at my sole expense". I just cannot afford this. I attempted to communicate with D in a resonable manner and I recieved no response. At our age we should be able to communicate in a reasonable and responsible manner, yet she only communicates with me when she has an issue with the child support payments, I get no response when I have an issue to discuss. This is what I will show to the judge when I step before him. I have copies of most or all of her letters and emails from the past 2 years. My sole point is that she only communicates with me when she needs something, yet I do not get the same courtesy when I want to discuss with her. I will tell him I cannot afford a counselor and if that is what is required then I made the correct decision 6 years ago as it means D still has not matured enough to be reasoned with. It is the price I pay for trying to have a little happiness in life. Things are much easier to deal with when you accept the truth about them. The truth in this is she will never co-operate with me when it comes to me being in R's life, and I am not meant to have a companion. I will find my joy and happiness in other places and people in my life.
I recieved my cd recommended by kev @ tj's place, tony c. and the truth, and while the single "Little Bit More" does rock and I can picture a dancer doing her thing to that song, the rest of the cd is not bad but not near as good. If "Little Bit More" is a 10, then the rest of the songs range from a 3 to a 7. Still, for someone as myself that cannot stand to purchase cd's just to get one song, it was worth the money I paid to get it from amazon.com. I have already ripped it into wma, mp3, and wav files. At first I thought WTF, as I could not see any audio files in windows explorer. It is some kind of "enhanced" cd, with some pics and video. But I figured it out.
Talked with the ranch yesterday and Jess has a hearing on July 8th. I will not be able to make that as I had not planned to come see her until August, but my folks are going to see her next weekend. I am sending a permission slip today for both them and for her mother to take her off of the ranch for visitation. The way the case worker talked she might be sent home after the hearing but in all likelihood she will stay for another couple of months and then she will get to come home. I am shooting for a Sept. 1 move in date as I nearly have all of my bills paid off. With the raise things can proceed much faster now.
Speaking of work, it has been a hectic 2 weeks. First, cashiering half a day put me way behind in my work, then this week I am attempting to train someone for my position, learn some things about my new position and all the while keep up with my current position. WHEW! It is enough to drive someone off the deep end. And all the while I have this upcoming court hearing on my mind. I have too many irons in the fire and as I look back I see how they got there. I have to reduce this over the next few years. Added on top of that is my well documented heartache from Tam's decision over 8 months ago. It has been exactly 8 months today since I last gazed upon her with my eyes as she left me at the bus station. Since I last held her in a "goodbye" embrace. God will never give me more than I can handle, but I cannot handle it alone. That is why I pray to Him for strength and guidence. And I do feel my prayers are being answered. He may not always give us what we want, but we will always get what we need if we just BELIEVE. I believe that. I came here, found a job, getting things organized. The hard work, the putting up with my dysfunctional family, them putting up with me, it is all working out. I truly miss Rapid City, but I now believe this here is where I belong for the time being. While I want to enjoy each and every day, I work towards the future, mine and my childrens as best as I can. Time moves very quickly and waits for no one.

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