DrPhil.com - Advice

DrPhil.com - Advice: "Robin's Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds Robin reveals what helped her and Dr. Phil survive their first year of marriage. 1. Ask only what you're willing to give. If I ask that he give me and treat me with dignity and respect, then I have to treat him with dignity and respect. 2. Embrace who your spouse is. Support what is important to him/her. When we first married, I said, 'If we're going to do this, and we're going to have fun, you need to lighten up. You are so serious.' And I was a big pouter, and the first few times I tried that he said, 'If you won't pout, I promise I will discuss anything you want to discuss and we will come to a decision immediately.' 3. Talk about your needs. It would really hurt my feelings if he would walk in the door and not come find me and say, 'Hello, I'm home.' And so we started what we call the four-minute rule, and the minute he walks in the door, he comes to wherever I am, and says hello, and we visit for at least the first four minutes. That sets the tone for the rest of the evening. 4. Contribute to your marriage daily. When we were students in college, I would sit at the end of the apartments on the stairs and I always had a glass of iced tea waiting for him. And to this day, as soon as he walks in the door, the first thing I do is hand him a glass of iced tea. 5. Commit to your marriage. What's important to a marriage is that the commitment you make to each other is something you work on every day for the rest of your life. When a couple gets married sometimes they think, 'Is this the one thing that's going to make him leave?' Phillip and I both agreed our first year of marriage that nothing will ever make us leave. This is forever. Divorce is never going to be an option. And that made a huge difference in our marriage."
This last part is what I believed. Why say those vows if you cannot back them up? I will never understand the ending of this marriage. No arguments, no fights over money. We supported each other through so much. But then I find out she felt unsupported in a situation that I feel was selfish of her because I was the one that was supposed to be supported in it. I supported her when her girl skipped school and cost us money. I took it in stride and we moved forward. I supported her when she moved back to her Daddy. But the one time I needed it the most, she cowered and slinked away. Angry? No, not angry. I am disappointed in her. She knew what I had been through before just as I knew what she had. Seperation and divorce should have never been an option as that is just taking the easy way out. I have a right to be upset, but I also will always be there, open for communication.

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