"Another quote...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." I believe it is so possible to find forgiveness, BOTH (key word) for yourself and for your ex. You are both human, and humans make mistakes. Right? You messed up, your ex messed up. So what! Are we not all far from perfect entities? Yes, you can find forgiveness, but forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean that what you are saying is that it was 'okay' that they hurt you/cheated on you/beat you - or whatever. It is just saying that you forgive them for that because they are only human and humans make mistakes. What most distinguishes us from other animals are - unfortunately - greed, lust, pride, and the uncanny ability to reason and rationalize everything we do to satisfy our wants (often mistaken as needs). So, yes, it is very possible to find forgiveness to someone who has wronged you, and for yourself, too...without saying that what they did (or you did) is 'okay'. Secondly, it is very hard to find forgiveness without first finding acceptance. Acceptance is in realizing that you and others have the 'right' to be who they are, and to want what they want. Even if it goes against your wishes, wants, and desires - they still have the right to pursue their own course in their own life. Peace comes when you accept that they have the right to do just that. But, now anger - anger has a way of growing in you like a demon and undermining all your well-meaning efforts to forgive and accept - and move on. Anger is usually the first emotional expression of grief. It simply means you are grieving a situation's or person's control over you. If you experience a loss through death you may get angry at God for stealing control over your desire to keep the loved one with you. If you experienced a divorce because of infidelity you may get angry for your lack of control over the situation. Anger is a perfectly normal, acceptable, and welcomed part of the grieving process. It would be absolutely ridiculous to believe you shouldn't be angry about a failed relationship. You worked hard at your relationship, gave it so much time, accepted it into your life as a very special part of it. Sometimes, when we feel consumed by anger that seems to be centered at someone else, it really is misdirected anger at ourselves. Such as the woman who is angry at her abusive husband. Could it be misdirected anger at herself for not finding the strength, willpower, and courage to cut free of him? Could she be angry at herself for allowing him to steal her dignity and self-esteem? These are angry emotions that can be misdirected to another source. They don't benefit you at all. They don't incite you into action, or release injustices. They just burn hate into your very heart and soul, consuming your inner peace and joy. This rings very true with me. Since this has started, I have been angry with Tammi for doing this. But after reading this quote, and thinking about it, it is not her that I am angry with, it is me. I am angry because I let some things get to me, I am angry because I did not find a better way to communicate how and why those things were bothering me. I am angry for not recoginizing just how difficult it was for Tam to express her feelings to me. This whole situation was created because two people that loved each other just did not know how to communicate their feelings to each other very well. It was easy to tell each other the good parts, how we loved being together, doing things together. But when it came to communicate about negative issues, we just could not do it. Hindsight is 20/20, but unfortunately, Tam reached a point where she just decided it was better to not be together than try to work it out. I now know that I gave the impression, not just to her, but to everyone around me, that I had no inclincation to compromise on issues. That is what I am so angry about, so angry with myself. All I can do at this point is turn that anger into a positive by learning how to communicate better without giving that impression. And someday, if I am so fortunate, Tam might figure this out, maybe she will read what I have written and realize that I can learn, that she and I can communicate and compromise on issues and that we are worth a 2nd chance at happiness together. Every day of our lives, we make choices and compromises, I do not want her to compromise what she needs for her personal happiness just to satisfy my desire to spend my life with her. I am accepting her as she is and setting her free in the hope that someday she will realize that we were right for each other, that the way we interacted, the way made each other laugh, is because we fit togehter. I do not want her to love me because I cook dinner for her, or because I ride a bike so she does not have wait on me. I do those things because I love her, not so that she will love me. I cannot make her love me, I can only offer her unconditional love. What I do know is, my love is still here for her, waiting for her. It will never die, it will never falter or diminish. It is with this acceptance that I will continue on with my life, and if I am ever fortunate enough to see her again, I will openly express it. I now realize it is ok to let her go, I knew this before but did not really practice it or believe it. It is something I must do, hence the saying "If you love someone, set them free, If they do not come back, it was not meant to be". Well, I am letting her go so that she may find whatever it is she needs to find in her life to be happy. I just want her to know, if she ever feels down, or lonely, there is someone out there that loves her.

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