12.07.2003

What I think...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." I wrote this piece this morning and after talking with many people this past week going through the same thing as I am, this is what I feel is happening to us: i tend to agree. how much "stronger" do we have to get before we finally find someone else "strong enough" for us? Each time i go through the ending of a relationship, i try to find the "why" in it, to "build character", to "get stronger", but at some point, can I not be "strong enough", have enough "character", to find someone willing to do the same? As a deep, loving, caring person, i tend to be the one that gets hurt, maybe i am choosing the wrong people to develop a relationship with, but at this stage of our lives (i am 39) most of us have some kind of past issues or relationships, only it seems that those of here are the ones doing the hurting because we are the ones strong enough to search out the "why's" of how we got to be here. Why do we gravitate to people that cannot also do that, why cannot we be the ones to find another as strong as us (that is why we are the ones doing this inner search, because in the end we are the strong ones, the ones that left us were the weak one, that is why they left, they could not do what we can do). Is it possible that we don't find them, but they find us because we are the strong ones? But then there comes a point where their lack of strength leads them to give up, rather than go past that point as we can? This is what i am beginning to believe, that as the weak ones, they can only go so far with us and they give up, while we move forward with our strength, but that their lack of strength allows them to "bury" their true feelings, which is something that the strong cannot do. paul

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