Guilt, a tough thing to let go of...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." this is my take on what happened and tam and i talked too much stuff for this not to be true. fact: laura had some attitude issues. fact: tam felt tremendous guilt over laura's attitude because whenever laura would say something with attitude or sarcastic, ' thats alton talking'. fact: tam hated alton for this. fact: tam felt guilty for how laura got her attitude because tam was not strong enough to leave alton when laura was so much younger. fact: i treated them both good, and only tried to get tam to be strong. fact: when laura got her job at arby's, instead of being like alton and putting her down because it was just a fast food job, i high fived her because she had a job, which was the right thing to do, she was showing responsibility. fact: her car broke down. fact: 3 people shared 1 car. fact: i rode a bike back and forth to work, and walked some too. fact: laura did not take care of our truck the way i thought she should have. fact: i had expectations of the way things should have been. fact: i now think those were too high. fact: she should have put her car in the shop and got it fixed quickly because we only had 1 veh and we needed it. fact: i expected laura to help out around our home. fact: tam did not communicate her feelings towards my issues and expectations to me. fact: i do not "pick up" on things very well, i need to be told. fact: tam and i had a beautiful relationship. fact: i did not communicate very well my feelings and expectations. fact: we failed each other by not communicating, setting up house rules, setting boundaries, both for ourselves and for those around us. fact: i practice what i preach. that when you are an adult, it is a privelage, not a right to live with your parents. that you should help out anyway you can. i do that here. fact: i remember when i was 19 and living at home, i worked a job and ran around with my best friend, but i also helped around the house. i asked my parents to tell me the truth, i do not want to write something here that is not. they said, i did not always do stuff willingly, but i did help out. i wanted laura with us, because i knew she had some attitude issues, and that is straight from tam, we talked about it so much how that was "alton" talking whenever laura would say something sarcastic or rude. i felt if she was with us, and saw how tam and i really took care of each other, she would see what it was really like in a loving, caring relationship. but laura also needed some guidelines, some boundaries, and tam just could not support me in those. it is too bad, because i have asked many people about the issues i had, and they all agree i was not wrong to want the car fixed right away, i was not wrong to want her to help out around the place, not piss and moan cuz all we had for lunches was sandwiches. i wish tam and i could have communicated better, that we could have worked out our differences and communicated the boundaries we needed, to let me lower my expectations and work together to come to a compromise, which is what alot of what marriage is about. what could have been. i had dreams, and she had no faith in me. i still have those dreams, i will not let her take them from me.

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