"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." have been spilling my heart and life to Kathy, another friend from my groups. We have decided we are the King and Queen of being saps. we both had fallen in love with people that we thought were sent by God to be with us, and both of us have been dumped. not for the same reasons, but nevertheless, we are hurting and we are angry with those that hurt us for allowing us to love them and then to just quit on us, whatever their reasons were. I will continue to practice CNC, the more i think about it, the more i feel it is the key to all successful relationships and that goes for work, love, parents, kids, everything in life. I am also am a believer in reflective answering, it is something i learned in marriage counseling from 6 yrs ago. what i do know is when tam and i got together, i distinclty remember telling her to not be afraid to communicate what was on her mind to me, but yet she still did not do that. my hurt and anger and frustation is actually turning away from her lack of communicating with me, and turning more towards her lacking faith in me and my ability to grown, to negotiate and compromise. i never have had to have things my way, but if you do not communicate with me, how am i then supposed to negotiate a compromise to the issues. our breakup is not about love or lack thereof, i know that if she no longer loves me, she did when we seperated. it does not end just like that. i forgive her for not communicating, i forgive her for sending me away (if not for that, i might not have learned CNC) and i will forgive her for her lack of faith in me. i know that someday, something will happen, and she will look back with a new realization about me, that i am capable of growth, negotiation, and compromise. i am a better man, and will be a better companion/partner for someone because of knowing her. i wish it were her, but if not, for someone.

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